Month: November 2019

Cross-Cultural Sensitivity

We often take for granted culture, question established practices, and make assumptions from our own particular world view. This rarely supports the strong respect necessary to help others with diverse backgrounds work productively on the issues and challenges we all face.

Today, the church is not only a multi-cultural body of Christ- it also serves a globally diverse world with a myriad of cultures. Today, an ability to reach across the cultures to offer Christ and make Christ known is an essential gift that church members can share if they are culturally savvy.

The neighborhood where I grew up was a place of white faces that came from Italy, Germany, Poland or Ireland. This was reflected in the various languages spoken and the wonderful food we shared.  I recognized from a very early age that people came from different places and did things differently.  Yet, we had one thing in common:  a desire to respectfully work together.  To understand one another and be understood. This was especially true at church where we sat on committees or worked on projects side by side. One example of this happening was the various cultures that came together to build the new church building – side by side.  There were many successful fundraisers:  Polish Sausage sandwiches, Spaghetti Diners, Saurerkraut sales, and of course, St. Patrick’s Day Irish Corned Beef.

Today,  that same neighborhood and church are full of a greater variety of cultures:  European, Asian, African, and Hispanic.  There are various holidays and festivals that bring people together.  But the road has not always been easy!

Each culture has it’s own styles of communicating, making decisions, and resolving conflict.  Gone are the days (if they ever existed), that there is one way to do things.

Perhaps you have been asked to mediate a conflict in a Korean congregation or work with a Hispanic fellowship to establish a new worship center in your community. What can you do if you find yourself working cross-culturally?

Here are some practical steps to improve your CQ (Cultural Competency):

Establish Trust

    • Convey your desire to be culturally sensitive early on the process.
    • Be clear about why you are there and what you need from the group to complete the work requested, as well as naming what you have to offer to the process.
    • Acknowledge that you are aware that you have much to learn from the other group(s).
    • Focus on the shared task ahead.  Form community: hard to create – even harder to sustain.
    • Be sure to seek feedback when you see people behaving in ways that are puzzling to you.
    • Remember people care about what you know when they know that you care about them.
    • Be vulnerable.  When you do not know something or an issue is beyond your expertise, name it.
    • Discover who some of the key shareholders are in the group and go to them to ask for their support to accomplish the task that you were given. Ask them what you need to know about the group’s culture that would help them accept you and make you a better contributor.
    • Bottom line:  learn the culture you are working with (customs, ways of making decisions, even some keywords or phrases).

Get to know members of the other group

    • Take the time to listen to people’s stories and experiences.  I often ask people to share pictures of important people or celebrations in their life with me as a way to introduce ourselves. I then do the same.
    • Encourage people from the other culture to use their skills for the welfare of the entire group and the shared goals.
    • Foster healthy, strong relationships among members of the group.  Take time for team building.
    • Establish good bonds with participants that will help you be effective in working with the group
    • Don’t generalize.
    • Try not to intervene too quickly when people are on opposite sides of an issue or decision.  Ask guiding questions to surface common ground.

Form a team of Culturally Inclusive Leaders

    • This is a team of people from the group who can help you work through your process (lead listening sessions for you, remind people of meetings and assignments, lead Devotions or times of Centering, etc.
    • Invite this Team to generate communications and be part of a feedback loop.
    • Demonstrates an ability to work with and appreciate others cross-culturally.
    • Embrace diversity.  Give a little to the others on a team to accomplish and accept their way of getting the job done even if it is a method you have not used in the past.  Be sure to stay in the loop and monitor how the work gets done.
    • Encourage!

Promote Open, Honest Communication

    • Keep instructions simple and ask for clarity when necessary
    • Have an interpreter present especially if you are working with 1st generation immigrants or members of the culture who do not speak English well.
    • Request that the group be direct and speak to others not about them.  No triangulation.
    • Avoid slang and jargon. Literal interpretations are often misunderstood.
    • Learn to respect silence. It means respect in several cultures because it demonstrates a willingness to listen.  Be patient when asking questions or providing choices.
    • Don’t accept myths about the other culture
    • Resolution skills practiced should always give the work back to the people.  This brings an increased awareness of how members can best resolve conflict in the future.
    • Put things in writing.  Ensure that they are distributed to the right people and at the same time if possible.
    • Adapt customs of the culture you are working with into the process you have designed.  For example, when I am working with a group from the South Pacific Islands I frequently convene a Soamoan Listening Circle to surface thoughts and feelings. It works!

Set a clear, compelling direction

    • Explain the process clearly and invite questions for clarity.
    • Be sure that participants understand why you are there and what the end product is of the work.
    • Involve every participant in the process. Let them know that every person is essential to completing the task before them whether it is assessing a Pastor, moving to a new location, resolving conflict, etc.
    • Stay focused on your goals.
    • Evaluate progress by the steps you have taken to facilitate the group dealing with their issues, make good decisions, or resolve conflict.
    • Don’t take slow-downs personally. Listen to the stories and be patient.  This is one way a culture communicates its values and boundaries.

Explore Differences Within the Group

    • Treat others as they want to be treated.
    • Acknowledge the “fault lines” present in the group by naming the distinctions within the group. They may be generational, gender, language, place of birth, etc.
    • Know what motivates participants.  Why should they work with you?  What do you add that they can do themselves?
    • Manage friction with sensitivity.

Create clear rules of engagement and maintain them

    • Incorporate practices from various cultures. Examples include using a talking piece when speaking in the group, or sitting in a circle to hear the wisdom of the elders.
    • Establish norms for behavior.  I am a firm behavior in establishing a covenant with a group on how they want to be treated and treat others.
    • Stick with established guidelines so you do not get off track.
    • Be polite yet firm when someone acts outside of Covenant.  Re-invite the person to stand inside the Covenant or let them remove themselves from the work.

Resolve Conflict Quickly

    • When you observe tension in the group deal with it swiftly.  Don’t let it fester.
    • Use the cultural perspectives of the group to serve as a cultural bridge.  For example, in Asian cultures, you do not cause another person to lose face (be embarrassed in pubic).

Benefits of Working Cross-Culturally

Why do all this work?  Why develop sensitivity and appreciation of working with various cultures beyond your own?

There are many benefits:

    1. The ability to plan and adapt your work for various audiences leads to a stronger process and greater effectiveness professionally.
    2. Other people bring cultural insights that you will find helpful even when working with your own culture.  I have learned many tools from cross-cultural work that are fun and engaging.
    3. Being collegial across cultural lines improves relationships and expands your network. I have discovered that despite cultural differences there is a common core that remains the same among humans:  love, care, respect, encouragement, etc.
    4. The more culturally diverse the group is, the greater the array of options generated. You get a better solution that people can live with later.
    5. Because the world is growing more diverse, I find myself curious when encountering cultural distinctions. I am better for each encounter.

One of the most important things that you can do is to be a lifelong learner of working with others cross-culturally.  A great resource offered by the Evangelical Lutherans in the USA is a short workbook: http://download.elca.org/ELCA%20Resource%20Repository/Talking_Together_As_Christians_Cross_Culturally_A_Field_Guide.pdf

Conclusion

Perhaps it is easier to work with people just like you yet the world is so diverse and exciting for the many people who live in this world.  The odds of you encountering people from a different culture are more likely today than ever before. These encounters are not to be feared but embraced. Our challenge is to be aware of our cultural bias and blindspots.

As a church consultant, I welcome the opportunity to share my skills and abilities with others regardless of culture.  It’s not a barrier to me because I have learned how to be culturally sensitive and recognize that I have even further to go.

The Gospel is intended for all people regardless of where they were born or the language they speak.  Wasn’t it Paul who once said that in Christ there is no black or white, East or West, male or female…?  The Apostle was talking about surface things that tend to divide us when in fact they are strengths that can unite us.

Perhaps the task of cross-cultural conversation and work may be to discern and develop effective ways to talk and work together.  To do this, we must own our own culture and biases and be willing to embrace another’s culture with curiosity and respect.

Cross-cultural sensitivity doesn’t just happen. It is challenging and hard works yet it is possible to do.  What’s your CQ?

I hope you found this article helpful.  Drop me a line and let me know your cross-cultural learnings that help shape your ministry. I’d love to hear from you!

 

 

 

Being Less Anxious in Stressful Times

Every day I encounter colleagues, friends and family members dealing with high levels of anxiety. These feelings are causing serious health issues as well as professional and personal paralysis. Right now, more Ministers than ever before are thinking of early retirement or leaving ministry altogether. This is often due to the growing pressure that anxiety generates and all the feelings that come with it.

I get it: we live in an age of anxiety and there are circumstances beyond our control that weigh heavily on us.  Bottom line:  our level of stress and discomfort is increasing.

What can we do?

What is Anxiety?

First things first:  we must understand what anxiety is and how it affects us.

Anxiety is basically a feeling of being constantly “on edge.” It is a prolonged nervousness over situations real or imagined.  Some report a deep sense of foreboding that something horrible is about to happen.  This worry is like a wet blanket that covers you making movement or clear thought difficult. Or, it can manifest itself as over-thinking things beyond your control or reliving difficult moments from your past.

Your heart may pound. You may break out in a sweat.  Your stomach may tighten at unexpected times. Your mind may race here and there.  Some have experienced “panic attacks” that mimic a heart attack.  All this can be exhausting and frightening!

Anxiety can cause extreme tiredness. People feel uncertain about the future. It is an uphill climb for them to get motivated about anything new or even get ready for a productive day. For these individuals, it may feel like they have hit a wall and are stuck. They ask: “why God?”

What causes Anxiety?

It is helpful to know that anxiety is a real condition and must be addressed properly.  Whether you are someone trying to help a person deal better with their stress or experiencing it yourself, anxiety can be treated.

It’s not all in your head, although anxiety is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Because of this, the brain is unable to slow down and relax. It stands at a heightened level of attack.

Some causes of anxiety are caused by factors outside your control; some causes are self-produced like sending yourself messages of inadequacy or living with low self-esteem.

Here is a list of causes:

    • not taking proper care of yourself (having a poor diet, not exercising regularly, not getting a good night’s sleep)
    • tying to live up to everyone’s expectations
    • having poor boundaries or low esteem
    • skipping prescribed medication for depression
    • obsessive focus on something (watching too much news, searching continuously on-line for facts about a situation or event)
    • ignoring health warnings like shortness of breath or tension
    • unresolved conflict in your organization
    • tension over the future of your group or even denomination

I believe that at the heart of anxiety is a lack of differentiation.  Differentiation is more a goal than a state that is ever achieved. Edwin H. Friedman once said.  (Friedman was a gifted expert on Family Systems and a counselor par excellence.)

Differentiation is a sense of direction and awareness. It is not synonymous with individuation or wanting to be autonomous, but rather a firm conviction that who you are matters so you can stand firm and weather the storms that gather around you. As I talk to church leaders about their experience of anxiety they often claim one of the following:

    1. obsession with the predictions and concerns that others express about a situation.  The “sky is falling” scenario that causes panic.
    2. inability to take a stand in an intensely emotional system.  Like church conflict or theological differences in the denomination
    3. losing themselves in group-think or behavior contrary to what they believe or need
    4. fuzziness about personal values and goals or inability to defend your non-negotiables
    5. unable to be a “less” anxious presence when others are caught in a frenzy
    6. confusion over where one thing ends and another begins
    7. lacking the courage to step out of a situation that negatively threatens their emotional wellbeing
    8. being polarized by the reactivity others have about a situation
    9. a strong desire to control things outside their sphere of influence
    10. blaming others for their anxiety
    11. feeling futile in efforts to address a situation properly (either by avoiders or bullies)

Dealing with Anxiety

Here are some simple steps that you can take that can really make a difference in getting rid of anxiety. (Note: They are not offered to negate the importance of seeking the advice of a health professional, but are intended as additional support).

    1. Find a person you trust to share your struggles. This step is often hard to take because you may not want people to think that you are weak or unable to deal with things yourself. Yet, we know that the first step to recovery is often opening up and being honest with our circumstances. This sharing with a friend is not supposed to be a “pity party” or a whining session but a candid conversation on what you are experiencing.  Focus on ways to deal with anxiety and ask the other person to hold you accountable for following through on our decisions. Choose someone who loves you and wants the best for you. Treat this time as an important appointment on your calendar.
    2. See a Health Professional. Go to your doctor for a good physical. Find a licensed, qualified counselor or psychiatrist. Do not under-estimate the importance of prescribed medicine in improving your brain chemistry.
    3. Practice Self Care. It’s time to give yourself a hug. Get back on a good diet.  Avoid carbs, sugars and processed/fast foods. Plan your meals around protein, fruits, and vegetables. Plan a proper sleep – at least 8 hours. Ensure that your bedroom is comfortable, dark and free of electronics. Exercise at least three times a week – aerobic and weights. Take a relaxing bath, get a massage or read a good book. Relax! Get off the merry-go-round.
    4. Immerse Yourself in the Means of Grace. Take time for worship and Bible Study. Pray. Some people find it meaningful to journal and record their experiences and thoughts. Ask God to help you find a way through the anxiety. For ministers, practicing this step is best done outside of your place of service or appointment. Go to another church or engage in on-line worship or learning.
    5. Unplug! Protect times during the day where you are not looking at your phone or the web. Use this time to take a walk, or connect with family. If you do surf the web, set a timer and limit the time spent on this activity.  Turn your phone off during meals.  Stay away from sites that polarize, distort information, or are divisive.
    6. Make Necessary changes. Examine your life carefully and discern what is adding to your anxiety. Could it be a job you do not enjoy? Do you need a break from work? Do you have poor boundaries that make it hard to stand up for yourself? Examine your schedule for the week: is it possible to take some time for yourself? What can you delegate? Is there anything you should stop doing that causes stress?
    7. Refocus! Sometimes it is helpful to take stock of your blessings and develop a true sense of gratitude. Find activities outside your profession that you can participate in that make life better for others: serve at a soup kitchen, volunteer to help someone read or tutor a child.

What’s stopping you from alleviating anxiety? Seeking wholeness invites you to embrace fears and tears as a vital part of life. Take the first step and do something for yourself that will minimize the harm the anxiety can do physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

The Benefits of Anxiety

Believe it or not, there are some good things that come from dealing with prolonged stress. Review the list below. What would you add? Anxiety:

    1. Surfaces what you care deeply about.
    2. Reminds you that you are human.
    3. Affirms foundational grounding of who you are and what you believe.
    4. Creates a renewed commitment to life and your purpose.
    5. Develops relationships that care and sustain you.

Wise Words to Remember

One of the activities, I practice weekly is to put a saying or phrase on my refrigerator or face mirror to read frequently. Here are some examples:

Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams (Proverb)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Phillipian4:6)

Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength. (Charles Spurgeon)

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. trouble of its own. (Matthew 6, selected passages)

Conclusion

Anxiety does not need to have the final word. It does not have to destroy life and it’s enjoyment. With proper effort and a renewed commitment to live life fully, things can and will get better. It takes time.

I believe that there exists today an intentional sabotaging of leaders who try to stand tall amongst the raging storms of anxiety. Don’t let this happen to you.

Take the steps necessary to care for yourself because you are important and vital. We need you strong and healthy to face the challenges that exist in today’s world. You can do it! Make your self-care a priority then all the other things you face can be addressed from a position of strength.

An invitation: If you know of someone who is suffering from anxiety, share this article with them.