Author: Julia Wallace

Julia is a layperson in the United Methodist Church, USA who works in Mediation and Conflict Transformation. She is co-author of the book: "The Church Guide for Making Decisions Together."

25 Characteristics of Effective Groups

Are you in an Effective Group?

You know whether you are in effective small groups or not.  Am I right?

Recently, I changed Sunday School classes. The people in my previous class are really nice people. However the group rarely got into its Bible lesson without getting sidetracked by current events or politics. Some people were getting hurt by not agreeing with the majority view – others stopped attending. I simply grew frustrated. I was feeling that I was being held captive to someone’s rants or raves. It was not why I was there!

Can you identify with my experience? Sadly, many Christians do not feel that they’re a part of effective groups. Groups come in many forms – small groups for study or fellowship, a ministry team or a leadership Council. There are things that you can do to ensure your groups are effective.

How would you rate your group?

Think of groups to which you currently belong. Review this list of characteristics. It should be a group that meets regularly and has a clearly defined role. For each characteristic, rate your groups by circling a number at the end of the characteristic.

Key:    1=not really      5=so-so    10=on target

  1. Everyone arrives and leaves on time                            1     5     10
  2. Our leader is trained and effective                                 1     5     10
  3. Our group has a clearly defined purpose                     1     5     10
  4. All members participate                                                     1     5     10
  5. We communicate clearly and directly                          1     5     10
  6. Our discussions are focused and productive             1     5     10
  7. We don’t judge but seek to understand                       1     5     10
  8. We periodically evaluate how we are doing               1     5     10
  9. We have a set goal or agenda when we meet             1     5     10
  10. We pray for one another rather than prey                  1     5     10
  11. Our group accomplishes it’s goals                                 1     5     10
  12. We make decisions by consensus                                   1     5     10
  13. We all feel responsible for the group’s success        1     5     10
  14. We deal with conflict in a timely manner                   1     5     10
  15. We have a shared vision                                                      1      5     10
  16. Our group is growing as a team                                       1     5     10
  17. We do not pre-judge one another                                   1     5     10
  18. We value differences                                                             1     5     10
  19. We seek clarity not rambling                                            1     5     10
  20. No one dominates discussion                                           1     5     10
  21. We share information related to our task                   1     5     10
  22. We avoid group think or giving in to appease           1     5     10
  23. We use “I” statements                                                         1     5     10
  24. We test assumptions before making decisions         1     5     10
  25. We practice courteous communication practices    1     5     10

Tally up your score.

Look over your responses carefully.  Which column has the most circles?  Which has the least?  What does this tell you about your group? What are some specific ways your group can improve?

Conclusion

Being part of a group should be a good experience.  We have simply too many demands on our time to waste in a group that is not effective. I encourage you to not accept an under performing group. After you have analysed the group’s life talk to others about whether they share your concerns. You are unlikely to be alone in your thoughts. Then work out together what can be done to address each of the low scores. You don’t have to fix them all at once – but do make a start.

Ways to Respond to the Warning Signs of Conflict

Navigating Conflict

In the last two posts @makingchurchdecisions.com explained the 12 warning signs that indicate conflict is brewing in your congregation.  This post will share practical ideas for effectively dealing with these indications of conflict.

Have you ever been in a deep fog when driving a car or navigating a boat? This deep mist makes it hard to get from A – B because it limits your sight. Deep conflict can be just as devastating to an organization if you do not learn how to navigate through it successfully.

Here are some practical ideas to move you though the mist to accomplish your God-given mission.

Specific Ideas for Each Conflict Warning Sign

 1.  No clear group purpose or vision
  • Hold a Vision Retreat for Church Leaders and Members to discern their future together.  Specifically, see if you can write the purpose of the church in one sentence and plan events and activities for the coming year that accomplish it.
  • Design a phrase that defines why your congregation exists and post it in a significant place for all to see.  Post it on your web site, newsletter and any other media you use to communicate with others about your church
  • Preach on Matthew 28 and share the mission that all Christian disciples receive from Christ.  If possible, put faces on the people that you teach and baptize so members can appreciate that they are engaged in God’s mission.
2.  Tradition becomes primary; change avoided
  • Add one new activity to your Christmas celebrations that reach new people during the season.  Perhaps instead of holding a traditional “Hanging of the Greens” or Advent Story Festival, consider holding a “Living Nativity” one evening where members dress up in character at various stations telling the story of the coming and birth of Christ.  Some congregations do this in a public place where the whole community can witness the story.  For fun, add live animals and music.
  • Hold an evaluation meeting on how your church leaders do things throughout the year.  For each ministry ask:
    • Who are we trying to reach by this activity or event? What do we know about this age today?
    • How well are we doing it? (numbers reached, etc.)
    • What can we do differently to be more effective?
3.  Major decisions are put off or always under consideration
  • Have a list of items under consideration that have yet to be resolved. Decide that they must be decided in 3 months or they are removed from the list.
  • Spend more time in the “Information Sharing” phase of your church decision meetings.  Clearly present what is under consideration, why is the situation is important to the congregation and why a decision must be made.
  • Stop the “Parking Lot” meetings that occur after the church leadership meeting adjorns.  Simply refuse to change to the decisions made by a few individuals after leaders deliberate and make a decision together.
  • Invite people to come to meetings prepared to make a decision.  Be sure they have the notice of the meeting in advance.  Hand out the Agenda and related materials or information 2 weeks in advance.
  • Use a consensus building decision making process (see our book: “The Church Guide For Making Decisions Together” (Abingdon, 2017)  for the specific steps of this process.  This method engages everyone to participate and generate creative options.
4.  Frequent leadership turnover
  • Hold a Ministry Fair/Reception near All Saints day or Pentecost each year. Have leaders responsible for the specific ministry they lead prepare a presentation area that outlines what their area covers, what it does, and what they have accomplished during the year. It could be presented as part of the worship or adult ministry activity on Sunday.
  • Recognize leaders for their accomplishments and spirit. Some churches do this during the offering one Sunday a month by recognizing different people in the congregation who exemplify a generous of spirit for the time and energy they share generously with the church. Other churches hold a Leadership Appreciation Day once a year.
5.  People are content to sit back and criticize
  • During Lent, give up whining in the church.  Make it interesting.  Collect a dollar from anyone who criticizes another.  Give the collected funds to a mission project.
  • Hold a class on Spiritual Gifts and encourage adults to participate.  This series should include a Bible Study on the gifts, provide an inventory for people to identify their gifts, and show how each of these gifts are all necessary in the live of the congregation.
6.  People leave meetings (and worship) quickly
  • Have a short reception before meetings with cheese and fruit or a simple dessert.  Allow this time to be a quick check-in with one another.
  • Have a Fellowship Time after Worship hosted by various members of the congregation.  Be sure the beverage is really tasty. This can also be a time to hand out meeting notices and agendas as well as provide a time to be present to answer questions people may have about an upcoming event.
7.  Leaders compete with one another and act uncivil to each other
  • Offer a Team Building training for church leaders
  • Preach a 3 part series on being on God’s team using Ephesians 4
8.  Differences lead to withdrawal
  • Arrange visitation for members who stop coming to worship or attending meetings as soon as you noice their absence.  This should be done within 2 weeks by a home visit, telephone call or email.  Let them know that they are missed.  Enquire if there is a reason you should know about.
  • Be vigilent to skirmishes that break out over a difference of opinion.  When possible, intervene. Thank both parties for their commitment to the church and invite them to pray about the matter which will be added to the next church meeting.
  • Remind people:  “All can have their say, but not all will have their way.”  Invite people to be open to discerning God’s will and learning to comproise.
9.  Little laughter is heard
  • Teach people to be hard on issues and soft on one another
  • Establish a Behavioral Guideline / Covenant. Include the task of not taking oneself too seriously yet taking Christ’s guidance very seriously.
  • Model being relaxed and even laughing at oneself when a genuine opportunity presents itself.
  • Teach a class on the humor of Christ or the funny things in the Bible that were said for effect or to demonstrate the awesome power of God.  (i.e.  Sarah laughing when she heard she would bear a son in her advanced years.)
10.  Giving is more a chore than a joy
  • Have mission moments during the Sunday Service that share specifically what finds go toward in the church that are transforming people’s lives. If possible, have the people involved share their story and thank the church members.
  • Hold a Stewardship Campaign – this helps you be realistic in what finds you can expect from members and adjust the budget to respect giving.
  • Limit fundraisers.  Some churches have one event after the other just to pay the bills.  This can be exhausting.  While some of these events are vital, they also demonstrate a deeper problem in the church.  Identify why the church cannot pay it’s bills and make adjustments or hold a meeting to discuss other options.
11.  Pastor/Judicatory Leader spends valuable time calming people
  • Clarify the Pastor’s Job.  The Staff-Parish Committee (or pertinent group in your church that handles staff issues), should meet and review, or write, the Pastor’s Job description if one does not exist.  Church leaders should then review and approve it.  Finally, share it with the congregation.  (Obviously, do not include a line about keeping everyone happy.)
  • Learn how to deal with your level of conflict that usually blames the pastor.  Bring in a neutral person to assess your level of conflict, and recommend steps you can take to de-escalate the situation and lessen stress.
  • Make it a last resort to call in a judicatory leader to be ‘judge and jury’.  Only invite them in to teach you how to learn ways to make better decisions, respect each another as Christians, and hear about new ways to be effective in ministry.
12.  Called meetings poorly attended (or packed)
  • Have an Agenda for every meeting that lists vital tasks.  Never meet simply to meet.
  • Rather than have “run-on” discussions which drain people, use process tools to gain full participation.  These may include a SWOT analysis (which measures your Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats), or an APA Chart (which lists what you must Achieve, Preserve or Avoid in order to be a faithful church).  You can find more activities in organizational resources, in our book  or on-line.

Summary

The best way to use these practical ideas for diffusing the early warning signs of conflict, is to form a small team of 3-4 people to work with you.  First, identify the warning sign you notice most in your congregation now.  Next, work together to select an idea most suited for your group and put it into practice.  Finally, evaluate how the situation is going.  After a set time, do you notice a difference in your congregation or organization?

Conflict often exhibits several warning signs at the same time, so repeat this process as needed.  Remember these are merely early warning signs of conflict.  For more serious realities like people fighting or calling one another names, people taking sides, etc.  you will need to address the level of conflict appropriately.

For more information on the levels of conflict, read Chapter 2 of our book, or review the articles archived on the subject.

Blessings!

 

12 Early Warning Signs of Conflict (# 2)

In the last post we shared six warning signs about conflict. So that you can properly assess your situation here are another six warning signs that there is conflict in your group.

More Warning Signs of Conflict

7.  Leaders compete with one another and act uncivil to each other

You know that you are in a difficult position when leaders compete with one another for time and funding. Instead you would rather see collaboration with each other to ensure that both side’s needs are being met.  It is never wise to tolerate people making nasty comments to one another or  belittling one another.  Do your leaders sense that they are on the same team or is each one in it for themselves?

8.  Differences lead to withdrawal

As you look out over your congregation when they worship, or at participants in meetings do you notice people missing who once were active?  Often, people withdraw from regular activity when they sense that trouble is around.  There are a lot of people that would rather flee than fight. In your organization are matters dealt with in a timely manner or are they allowed to fester – which leads to people staying away?

9.  Little laughter is heard

This is perhaps one of the easiest warning signs to notice, yet one of the hardest to effectively deal with.  Have you noticed an absence of laughter and good-natured fun in your congregation?  Do people have the ability to laugh at themselves and not take themselves too seriously?  Is there a good spirit that becomes obvious in tough times? Or, do people tend to take things too seriously all of the time and miss the moving of the spirit creating new windows to experience God’s love?

10.  Giving is more a chore than a joy

This is a sign that probably was on your own list of warning signs.  When financial giving is down, it is hard to make your expenses. You notice people get nervous during these times wondering how they are going to pay the bills. Unless there has been a catastrophic event in your community like the closing of a factory, or business that employs members of your church, the odds are high that members are withdrawing their support for a reason. Discovering that reason is a significant step in turning around the situation.

11.  Pastor/Judicatory Leader spends valuable time calming people

I have noticed over the years that as colleagues share with me the story of their call to ministry they never say: “I’m in ministry to keep people happy!”  Have you noticed the same thing?  It is not the job of the pastor or judicatory leader to constantly smooth the waters so people can remain calm and not face reality.

When my son was a teenager he would freguently say:  “I’m bored” or “I’m not happy.”  I learned to respond:  “What are you going to do about that?”  or “How can I help you deal with those feelings?”  Most often it was simply a matter of listening to him blow off steam in order to refocus or discover new options.  When church leaders in authority feel that it is their job to keep the peace (rather than make it), everyone suffers.  How well do you allow people to express their feelings?  Are you able to give the work back to people who complain so that they can be part of the solution rather than become a problem?

Christopher Columbus had three ships as he sailed to the new world.  His flagship was the Santa Maria.  When he reached what we now know was the Caribbean, he noticed that the Pinta was always falling behind for one reason after another rather than sailing with the other ships.  This slowed everyone down.  As his patience was exhausted he told the smaller ship’s crew that the other ships were sailing west in the morning.  When they set out the next day where was the Pinta? Right behind them! Lesson: keep your eye on where your organization must go in order to stay a float.  Allow others the chance to join you solving problems.

12.  Called meetings poorly attended (or packed)

This warning sign can go either way and still point to a larger problem: do people feel that their participation is essential to the wider organization?

I remember one church that I joined that was faced with a dilemma. Leaders said that they wanted to grow numerically and welcome younger people with children.  With hard work, we accomplished that goal. Suddenly it became clear to people that this growth was necessitating changes.  There was now a need for a nursery. This meant that an adult class would have to relocate to the Sanctuary for Bible Study on Sunday mornings.

Further, the Sanctuary was becoming too crowded during Worship and (dare I say it?) newcomers were sitting in seats usually occupied by older members.  The Pastor called a Worship Committee meeting to discuss the matter.  Only 2 people attended.  After coaching him to deal with the situation, he held a church-wide meeting to discuss the matter. 15 minutes before the meeting a line was forming around the building!  50 people were engaged in what was happening.  It took us one hour to complete a SWOT diagram together listing the Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats that the new growth was causing.  The meeting decided that we would start a second worship service within the month. We also agreed to work hard at fellowship opportunities to create spaces for people to get to know one another and be a congregation in 2 worship services. It worked!

What happens when you call a meeting to discuss a situation your congregation faces?  Do people have a sense that their participation is important?  Do they have a belief that they will all get to have a say, but not all will have their way?

Conclusion

There are 12 warning signs that conflict may be present in your church. Knowing these signs and effectively dealing with them can save your church energy and time.  Bottom line: when these warning signs are present do something!!

In our next post I will share some options for how you might respond if you see these signs.

12 Early Warning Signs of Conflict (# 1)

@makingchurchdecisions.com we have discussed what conflict is and how to deal with it.  This article examines the 12 early warning signs that conflict may be brewing in your organization.

Danger Ahead

Just like a lighthouse warns ships that they are too close to the shoreline, there are signals that warn that conflict is in your midst.  These danger signs are present whenever there is tension in your organization.  The more signs that are present the higher the conflict level. The higher the level the more time you will need to devote to correcting the situation.  Learning these signs allows you to take appropriate steps to correct the situation before it turns into the perfect storm.

12 Warning Signs (the first 6!)

 1.  No clear group purpose or vision

A church or organization that does not know why it exists drifts on the tendencies of yesterday.  There is little motivation to try new ways of reaching people or making disciples.  Without a vision the people perish.  (sound familiar?)  What is the purpose or vision in your organization? Do people know it?  Is it compelling enough to draw people together to accomplish it?

2.  Tradition becomes primary; change avoided

Churches in conflict hold onto the past as if it is their life-preserver. Change is held at bay.  Unfortunately,  this does not allow you to respond to the wonderful opportunities to be in ministry with your community.  When tradition rules – people often lose.

3.  Major decisions are put off or always under consideration

Ever been in a meeting and had a sense deja vu?  That feeling that you have been here before and faced the same issue?  Churches that try to keep the peace rarely face the decisions in their midst with grace. Instead, they talk things to death hoping that everyone will eventually get on bored.  I wish this helped but it doesn’t.  To be sure, talking through an issue is vital for a healthy organization.  It allows creative options to surface and be implemented.  However, putting off major decisions is rarely a good idea.  There is a time for everything.

4.  Frequent leadership turnover

Look over the leadership lists of your church for the last 5 years.  Has there been frequent turnover?  Have you changed pastors for poor reasons or blamed your leaders for how things are going? Do people think that getting rid of “them” solves the problems in your situation?

When people quit or become inactive there is often a good reason.  Perhaps someone attacked them in a meeting or outside of it.  Perhaps they did not feel that their contribution was valuable.  Whatever the reason, when leaders quit it is usually a report card on how the organization is dealing with matters.  We simply do not have the time to waste in being unproductive. Time is valuable.

5.  People are content to sit back and criticize

Ah, it’s a bad sign when the unofficial quarterbacks come out in the midst of disagreements and make offensive statements about the work and motivations of others.  True, Moses faced the murmurings of the Israelites when they were in exodus from Egypt. But today’s leaders do not have to put up with it.   Does your organization tolerate unjustified negative statements to be made about others or allow a spirit of criticism to reign?

6.  People leave meetings (and worship) quickly

Here is another important warning sign. What happens when your meetings or worship is over?  Do people run to their cars to go home quickly or is there a sense of fellowship and support that lingers? When people leave quickly it is often because they do not want to be wrapped up in the drama of opposing positions or tensions.  Not even the inducement of coffee or snacks will make them remain.  This warning sign often signals that people are uncomfortable with one another or the situation they face.

What to do!

Review the list of these first six warning signs of conflict and make a note of the ones that you see present in your church.  Remember to look beyond the leadership group as you look for the signs. Often the fraying of good relationships starts at the edges and not in the center.

If you see some of the signs of conflict starting to show up then start to address them straight away. There are many helpful articles in the archive of makingchurchdecisions.com that can help you to develop some strategies.

Above all, do not ignore the situation hoping that it will simply go away by itself.  The very well-being of your organization is at stake.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bullying At Church – Why?

Bullying at church?

Do you mean that it is possible to find bullying in a local congregation? Yep! How is that possible?!?

Sadly anyone who has been around more than a few churches knows that these opening sentences are being sarcastic. It is so sad – but also so common – that there is often the experience of bullying in a lot of local churches.

Some experiences of bullying that I have had

  1. As a guest preacher in an urban congregation, I encountered a bully. Before the service began I was quickly warned that a man, who had recently lost his wife, tended to be “obnoxious” and disruptive during worship. I wondered what they meant but there was no time for further conversation. During the sermon, I was becoming increasingly distracted by the behavior of the man sitting by himself in the 5th-row center. He was heckling me with a steady stream of belittling remarks and challenging what I was saying. Members of the congregation were embarrassed and not making eye contact. Finally, I had enough.
  2. A church in Nebraska was trying to figure out what to do about a man who was a very powerful banker in town who was abusing his power. Unfortunately, he said demeaning things to people when they arrived for worship and tended to ‘hold court’ in the Finance Committee to get his way.  Membership was decreasing and the Finance Committee was poorly attended.
  3. A middle-sized congregation had a bully that was controlling every aspect of the church’s ministry. Over 4 years,  she had fought with practically every leader in the church and won. Pastors came and went frequently in exasperation. Unfortunately, so did members. Finally, they were down to 18 members.

Who gets bullied?

People at risk of bullying are often creative indiviudals, newcomers, or people who are different (e.g. age, race or culture). These are usually the people with less power in the system. Bullies tend to go after people who they consider to be weaker. Bullies usually don’t take on strong people who will push back.

When people are victims of bullying they can become depressed, scared, or less innovative. Attendance and participation always suffer. This suits bullies. Their power has been confirmed as they see people succumb to the pressure that they create.

People who are relatively powerless in a local church and / or who confirm the power of a bully by demonstrating their hurt are most likely to be bullied.

Why does bullying happen?

Of course we believe that the church is supposed to be a healthy gathering of growing disciples who care deeply for the welfare of each other. Such a community, we hope and expect, when it experiences conflict or tensions resolves them with respect and care.

But the church is also a gathering of human beings who make mistakes or behave inapproproately at times. Bullying happens because Christians continue to exhibit behavior that owes more to their upbringing that the work of the Holy Spirit. One reason that bullying happens is that it is in the nature of some people to do whatever it takes to get their way. It’s human nature to like having power!

Sometimes bullying happens because we believe in being loving and accepting people no matter what. So we tolerate bad behavior because we want to be nice to everyone. Other organizations often have less trouble expecting good behavior because they are not a bunch of softies who don’t want to hurt a person’s feelings. It happens because we don’t want to hurt a person. But we don’t seem to care so much about the people they hurt.

Most Christians are very committed to Christ and the church. They want to see the mission flourish. When people are passionate about something they can often get very assertive and stop listening to the views of others. Then when this attitude spirals out of control they begin to use any means to support their opinions. Bullying is often the result of being over zealous and arrogant.

Most people don’t like conflict. Among Christians,  I think the percentage who avoid conflict is higher than the general population. So people do not confront a bully because they don’t like conflict. They just put up with it. Bullying can continue when there is not enough courage to address it.

I am sure that you can think of some other reasons for bullying from your own experience!

What can be done to address bullying?

1. From the preaching story

Finally, I had enough.  Leaving the pulpit I went and stood right in front of him and asked: “You miss her don’t you?” He teared up and said in a small voice: “Yes.” “So do the members of this church,” I reminded him. “You must stop this disruptive behavior and let us know how we can best support you in your grief. Know this: we will not tolerate your behavior any longer. Let’s talk about this after church cause I’m kind of busy right now, ok?” He agreed. We did. The behavior stopped.

By understanding the reason for bullying it was possible to address the cause and find a cure. It can be very important to stop the signs/practices of bullying. However to change the person you need to look deeper into why that behaviour is happening. That’s how to make real change.

2. From the Nebraska story

Finally, the District Superintendent (a Judicatory leader) intervened at the invitation of the Pastor and invited the man to her office to talk. She explained that his behavior was unacceptable .  Further, she stated that he was bullying the congregation which must stop immediately. He disagreed and talked about how he was trying to save the church. Because of his inability to take responsibility for his actions, he was removed from leadership for 3 years. During this time he was encouraged to grow in his discipleship. He was notified in writing that if his aggressive behavior did not stop, he would also be removed permanently from membership. He finally agreed to the consequences. Today he is a wonderful member of the congregation and serves with purpose on the Worship committee.

Holding a person accountable for their behavior is the baseline step for dealing with a bully. Don’t accept excuses for the bad behavior. Insist that people show the proper standards. Then if people resist the standards, make  it clear – with sanctions if necessary – that this just can’t go on. Churches need to know what is right, teach about it and hold people to account.

3. From the mid size congregation story

Sadly, not every story involving a bully ends well. After meeting with their Judicatory leader, the members of a formerly mid-sized (now very small) congregation decided that it was too late to address the situation. They voted to close their doors and joined another church. The bully went to another congregation and did the same thing there.

Fear of the bully and/or an unwillingness to be “mean” to the offender paralysed this congregation. Handling a bully requires courage and confidence in your convictions. The longer the bullying behavior goes on the harder it is to stop it. Nip bad behavior in the bud! Get some help – from others in the congregaiton or outside. Know why you are taking action against a bully and just do it!

4. From other observations

Build faith communities of respect and participation which empower all members to have a voice. By having systems in place that equalize the power among members in a group the relative power of a bully is reduced.

Build robust mentoring and “buddy” systems for new and/or vulnerable members. Help people to know who will support them if they have a problem with a bully. Build resilience in people so that they are not so easily hurt by a bully.

For more ideas on how to tackle bullying see the previous post: Bullying at Church – what is it?

Conclusion

Stop making excuses for bullies and take a stand for the wellbeing of your organzation. Ephesians 2:10 reminds us that “we are God’s handiwork created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God prepared in advance for us to accomplish.” We are created in God’s image and likeness to show Christ’s love to the world around us.

Be a bully-free church zone by refusing to tolerate aggressive, divisive behavior. In the gospel of Jesus Christ, there is no room for bullying or demeaning others.