Being Less Anxious in Stressful Times

Every day I encounter colleagues, friends and family members dealing with high levels of anxiety. These feelings are causing serious health issues as well as professional and personal paralysis. Right now, more Ministers than ever before are thinking of early retirement or leaving ministry altogether. This is often due to the growing pressure that anxiety generates and all the feelings that come with it.

I get it: we live in an age of anxiety and there are circumstances beyond our control that weigh heavily on us.  Bottom line:  our level of stress and discomfort is increasing.

What can we do?

What is Anxiety?

First things first:  we must understand what anxiety is and how it affects us.

Anxiety is basically a feeling of being constantly “on edge.” It is a prolonged nervousness over situations real or imagined.  Some report a deep sense of foreboding that something horrible is about to happen.  This worry is like a wet blanket that covers you making movement or clear thought difficult. Or, it can manifest itself as over-thinking things beyond your control or reliving difficult moments from your past.

Your heart may pound. You may break out in a sweat.  Your stomach may tighten at unexpected times. Your mind may race here and there.  Some have experienced “panic attacks” that mimic a heart attack.  All this can be exhausting and frightening!

Anxiety can cause extreme tiredness. People feel uncertain about the future. It is an uphill climb for them to get motivated about anything new or even get ready for a productive day. For these individuals, it may feel like they have hit a wall and are stuck. They ask: “why God?”

What causes Anxiety?

It is helpful to know that anxiety is a real condition and must be addressed properly.  Whether you are someone trying to help a person deal better with their stress or experiencing it yourself, anxiety can be treated.

It’s not all in your head, although anxiety is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Because of this, the brain is unable to slow down and relax. It stands at a heightened level of attack.

Some causes of anxiety are caused by factors outside your control; some causes are self-produced like sending yourself messages of inadequacy or living with low self-esteem.

Here is a list of causes:

• • not taking proper care of yourself (having a poor diet, not exercising regularly, not getting a good night’s sleep)
  • tying to live up to everyone’s expectations
  • having poor boundaries or low esteem
  • skipping prescribed medication for depression
  • obsessive focus on something (watching too much news, searching continuously on-line for facts about a situation or event)
  • ignoring health warnings like shortness of breath or tension
  • unresolved conflict in your organization
  • tension over the future of your group or even denomination

I believe that at the heart of anxiety is a lack of differentiation.  Differentiation is more a goal than a state that is ever achieved. Edwin H. Friedman once said.  (Friedman was a gifted expert on Family Systems and a counselor par excellence.)

Differentiation is a sense of direction and awareness. It is not synonymous with individuation or wanting to be autonomous, but rather a firm conviction that who you are matters so you can stand firm and weather the storms that gather around you. As I talk to church leaders about their experience of anxiety they often claim one of the following:

1. 1. obsession with the predictions and concerns that others express about a situation.  The “sky is falling” scenario that causes panic.
   2. inability to take a stand in an intensely emotional system.  Like church conflict or theological differences in the denomination
   3. losing themselves in group-think or behavior contrary to what they believe or need
   4. fuzziness about personal values and goals or inability to defend your non-negotiables
   5. unable to be a “less” anxious presence when others are caught in a frenzy
   6. confusion over where one thing ends and another begins
   7. lacking the courage to step out of a situation that negatively threatens their emotional wellbeing
   8. being polarized by the reactivity others have about a situation
   9. a strong desire to control things outside their sphere of influence
   10. blaming others for their anxiety
   11. feeling futile in efforts to address a situation properly (either by avoiders or bullies)

Dealing with Anxiety

Here are some simple steps that you can take that can really make a difference in getting rid of anxiety. (Note: They are not offered to negate the importance of seeking the advice of a health professional, but are intended as additional support).

1. 1. Find a person you trust to share your struggles. This step is often hard to take because you may not want people to think that you are weak or unable to deal with things yourself. Yet, we know that the first step to recovery is often opening up and being honest with our circumstances. This sharing with a friend is not supposed to be a “pity party” or a whining session but a candid conversation on what you are experiencing.  Focus on ways to deal with anxiety and ask the other person to hold you accountable for following through on our decisions. Choose someone who loves you and wants the best for you. Treat this time as an important appointment on your calendar.
   2. See a Health Professional. Go to your doctor for a good physical. Find a licensed, qualified counselor or psychiatrist. Do not under-estimate the importance of prescribed medicine in improving your brain chemistry.
   3. Practice Self Care. It’s time to give yourself a hug. Get back on a good diet.  Avoid carbs, sugars and processed/fast foods. Plan your meals around protein, fruits, and vegetables. Plan a proper sleep – at least 8 hours. Ensure that your bedroom is comfortable, dark and free of electronics. Exercise at least three times a week – aerobic and weights. Take a relaxing bath, get a massage or read a good book. Relax! Get off the merry-go-round.
   4. Immerse Yourself in the Means of Grace. Take time for worship and Bible Study. Pray. Some people find it meaningful to journal and record their experiences and thoughts. Ask God to help you find a way through the anxiety. For ministers, practicing this step is best done outside of your place of service or appointment. Go to another church or engage in on-line worship or learning.
   5. Unplug! Protect times during the day where you are not looking at your phone or the web. Use this time to take a walk, or connect with family. If you do surf the web, set a timer and limit the time spent on this activity.  Turn your phone off during meals.  Stay away from sites that polarize, distort information, or are divisive.
   6. Make Necessary changes. Examine your life carefully and discern what is adding to your anxiety. Could it be a job you do not enjoy? Do you need a break from work? Do you have poor boundaries that make it hard to stand up for yourself? Examine your schedule for the week: is it possible to take some time for yourself? What can you delegate? Is there anything you should stop doing that causes stress?
   7. Refocus! Sometimes it is helpful to take stock of your blessings and develop a true sense of gratitude. Find activities outside your profession that you can participate in that make life better for others: serve at a soup kitchen, volunteer to help someone read or tutor a child.

What’s stopping you from alleviating anxiety? Seeking wholeness invites you to embrace fears and tears as a vital part of life. Take the first step and do something for yourself that will minimize the harm the anxiety can do physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

The Benefits of Anxiety

Believe it or not, there are some good things that come from dealing with prolonged stress. Review the list below. What would you add? Anxiety:

1. 1. Surfaces what you care deeply about.
   2. Reminds you that you are human.
   3. Affirms foundational grounding of who you are and what you believe.
   4. Creates a renewed commitment to life and your purpose.
   5. Develops relationships that care and sustain you.

Wise Words to Remember

One of the activities, I practice weekly is to put a saying or phrase on my refrigerator or face mirror to read frequently. Here are some examples:

Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams (Proverb)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Phillipian4:6)

Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength. (Charles Spurgeon)

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[a]?  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. trouble of its own. (Matthew 6, selected passages)

Conclusion

Anxiety does not need to have the final word. It does not have to destroy life and it’s enjoyment. With proper effort and a renewed commitment to live life fully, things can and will get better. It takes time.

I believe that there exists today an intentional sabotaging of leaders who try to stand tall amongst the raging storms of anxiety. Don’t let this happen to you.

Take the steps necessary to care for yourself because you are important and vital. We need you strong and healthy to face the challenges that exist in today’s world. You can do it! Make your self-care a priority then all the other things you face can be addressed from a position of strength.

An invitation: If you know of someone who is suffering from anxiety, share this article with them.