Tag: communication

We need to talk!

Talk

Why talk together?

We need to talk together because the world is changing! The days of the local church where everyone came from the same background, had similar religious experiences and shared the same cultural views and practices are numbered. Sure they will hang around for a while but they are dying out.

In a very simple, clear and accurate article, Wesley Granberg-Michaelson writes about the future of the church. He makes the compelling case that the game is up for would be homogenous churches. Try as they might most of these types of churches can not grow. This is because demography, culture and changing world views have left them behind. In the US it is expected that 100 of these aging white Protestant mainline churches will close each year for the foreseeable future. It has been happening in Australia and Europe for decades.

Lectures and directives from the pulpit might work when the majority accept the dominant world view. However, when groups are diverse and hold different perspectives and experiences they will not be told. Talk together is the key to sustaining diverse communities.

The changing landscape for the church

Granberg-Michaelson says that the changes that make this death spiral inevitable include:

  • Multiracial congregations are expanding to draw 1 in 5 churchgoing Americans. Surveys on American congregations report a higher level of spiritual vitality among them compared with racially homogeneous congregations.
  • For 400 years, the faith has been moulded by the largely European culture that came out of the Enlightenment. But today church vitality is coming from emerging expressions of Christianity in Africa as well as in Asia and Latin America.
  • These new influences are raising new questions about the relationship of the individual to the community, rational versus non-rational pathways to perceiving truth and the interplay of the spiritual and material realms.
  • As the yearning for authentic spiritual experience moves from the head to the heart in this new environment, spirit-filled communities are flourishing.
  • The culture wars in the church are divisions that are not seen as the core of the gospel and many contemporary people don’t want to fight over them.
  • “Belonging before believing” is reshaping pathways of discipleship. The demand that outsiders first adhere to specific beliefs expressed in creeds or confessions is giving way to inviting them first to explore and share in worship, reflection, and service.

Evangelism needs us to talk together

Anyone who has a genuine concern and capacity for evangelism knows how important it is to understand the context. To understand context  – the life, experience, and values of people – requires listening. Talking together starts with the dominant group listening to the ones who are different.

When it is appropriate there will be a place for the evangelical person, or church, to share their perspective. However, it can never again be in the arrogant, superior, assumption of knowing what others need to learn. The talking will be more in the form of testimony about what God has meant in their life. Then, once again, it is time to listen to how others have experienced God in their life.

To talk together today about faith (or anything in the church) requires patience and humility. It requires a setting and practices that make it possible for all to share. Many of the processes in the Western church assume that there is one place of knowledge and one way to work it out. We need processes for being in a community that is open to learning from the stories and experiences of others. There needs to be space to experience the non-rational ways of gaining insight.

How does your congregation foster open, honest and risk taking conversations? When you meet for Bible study how do you listen to one another? When you meet to make decisions about how to you talk together so that all perspectives are heard? Unless churches develop a process that help them to talk together they will not navigate the changing landscape of society and the church.

Six Thinking Hats – A Book Review

6 Thinking Caps

A special way to think

Six Thinking Hats by Edward de Bono was first published many years ago (in the 1980’s). As such it could be considered out of date. However, it remains highly relevant and should be introduced to a new audience.

De Bono believes that there is a problem with the normal approach to dealing with issues. The normal approach is to talk about what you like or do not like about an idea. This leads to people becoming combative and only seeing the issue from their point of view. De Bono sees this argumentative approach as inefficient and unproductive. Like people who are committed to consensus building, he wants people to work together. His way of getting people to work together is to divide up the consideration of an issue into six categories. The 6 ways to look at an issue are called six thinking hats.

The Six Thinking Hats

When you approach an issue that needs a decision what do you need to know? Some people want information, others need to be sure that risks are taken into account, for some people how they feel is a crucial consideration and others look for new options or a positive view in a situation. Each of these is a way of exploring an issue and each has its place.

Based on these different approaches de Bono offers a “hat” for each one. His six hats each have their own colour and when wearing it people look at an issue from a different angle. The hats are:

White: is neutral and objective. Wearing this hat people are focused on facts and figures – data.

Red: carries the idea of passion, emotions.  Wearing the red hat people talk about their feelings, provide an emotional perspective on the situation.

Black: is serious, maybe even negative/sombre. When working with this hat people are encouraged to point out weaknesses and to be cautious and careful.

Yellow: is sunny and positive. Wearers look for the positives and point to where there is hope.

Green: carries the image of abundance and growth. This is the place for creativity and generating new ideas.

Blue: like the sky, it is above everything else. The blue hat is concerned with organizing the process and the use of the other hats.

How to use the hats

This is a fairly simple process but because it is a new thing to many people de Bono spends time unpacking the use of the hats. For example, the black hat is curious and careful and should not be only seen as negative; and the red hat allows emotions to be respected without having to justify them and then to be able to be placed alongside other perspectives.

Basically the leader of a discussion says to the group that now we are all going to put on a particular hat. So if it is our white hats -what information or data do you know or need to know to help us to think about this problem?  Putting on the green hat has everyone bringing their creative thinking to the task and thinking laterally about an issue – it encourages creativity.

The key to using the hats is to sense when a particular perspective on a problem is going to move the discussion along. Here the leader is crucial as they will need to sense the next thing that is necessary to build insight and discernment.

Thinking hats and consensus building

The main similarity between de Bono’s thinking hats and a consensus approach to decision-making is that both want people to work together rather than to argue with each other. De Bono emphasizes that arguing back and forth only entrenches positions and does not guarantee that all the information and options are in front of the group. His approach is to get people to work together by looking at an issue or problem from the same angle at the same time. This builds collaboration, shared understanding and a sense of partnership in finding a solution.

Consensus building also affirms the value that we are all on the same team and has the aim of ensuring that everything that we need to make a good decision is out on the table. The six thinking hats, like consensus processes, respect all points of view and know that we need all of them to make a good decision.

Conclusion

There are many ways in which issues can be explored. The best ones are those that build collaboration, reduce competition and generate the best information and ideas. In this respect, Edward de Bono’s thinking hats make a wonderful addition to the tools that achieve these ends.

 

We need to talk together!

two people sitting in a room not talk together

Why talk together?

We need to talk together because the world is changing! The days of the local church where everyone came from the same background, had similar religious experiences and shared the same cultural views and practices are numbered. Sure they will hang around for a while but they are dying out.

In a very simple, clear and accurate article Wesley Granberg-Michaelson writes about the future of the church. He makes the compelling case that the game is up for would be homogenous cuhrches. Try as they might most of these types of churches cannot grow. This is because demography, culture and changing world views have left them behind. In the US it is expected that 100 of these aging white Protestant mainline churches will close each year for the forseeable future. It has been happening iun Australia and Europe for decades.

Lectures and directives from the pulpit might work when the majority accept the dominant world view. However when groups are diverse and hold different perspectives and experiences they will not be told. Talk together is the key to sustaining diverse communities.

The changing landscape for the church

Granberg-Michaelson says that the changes that make this death spiral inevitable include:

  • Multiracial congregations are expanding to draw 1 in 5 churchgoing Americans. Surveys on American congregations report a higher level of spiritual vitality among them compared with racially homogeneous congregations.
  • For 400 years, the faith has been moulded by the largely European culture that came out of the Enlightenment. But today church vitality is coming from emerging expressions of Christianity in Africa as well as in Asia and Latin America.
  • These new influences are raising new questions about the relationship of the individual to the community, rational versus non-rational pathways to perceiving truth and the interplay of the spiritual and material realms.
  • As the yearning for authentic spiritual experience moves from the head to the heart in this new environment, spirit-filled communities are flourishing.
  • The culture wars in the church are divisions that are not seen as the core of the gospel and many contemprorary people don’t want to fight over them.
  • “Belonging before believing” is reshaping pathways of discipleship. The demand that outsiders first adhere to specific beliefs expressed in creeds or confessions is giving way to inviting them first to explore and share in worship, reflection and service.

Evangelism needs us to talk together

Anyone who has a genuine concern and capacity for evangelism knows how inportant it is to understand context. To understand context  – the life, experience and values of people – requires listening. Talking together starts by the dominant group listening to the ones who are different.

When it is appropriate there will be a place for the evangelical person, or church, to share their perspective. However it can never again be in the arrogant, superior, assumption of knowing what others need to learn. The talking will be more in the form of testimony about what God has meant in their life. Then, once again, it is time to listen to how others have experienced God in their life.

To talk together today about faith (or anything in the church) requires patience and humility. It requires a setting and practices that make it possible for all to share. Many of the processes in the Western church assume that there is one place of knowledge and one way to work it out. We need processes for being in community that are open to learning from the stories and experiences of others. There needs to be space to experience the non-rational ways of gaining insight.

How does your congregation foster open, honest and risk taking conversations? When you meet for Bible study how do you listen to one another? When you meet to make decisions how to you talk together so that all perspectives are heard? Unless churches develop process that help them to talk together they will not navigagte the changing landscape of society and the church.

Communication – let’s listen!

Communication is at the heart of any relationship. Communication is at the core of a discernment process. Most often meeting participants focus on talking. Yet effective communication requires that people take more care in listening than in talking!

Communication 101

It is a basic principle of communication that there is no communication if the recipient does not receive the information that the presenter is seeking to convey. So great care should be taken to ensure that information is presented in language, style, tone and ways that improve the chance of the other person understanding what is going on. All that makes good sense. So it should be followed by any person who wants to be an effective communicator.

However, the focus in this standard lesson about good communication is on the speaker. The speaker is the centre of attention. It is what the speaker does that is seen as the key to being a good communicator. Certainly, that is a wise point of reference. A careless communicator can ensure that the messages are lost between them and the ears or eyes of the receiver. Yet the presenter is only half of the equation. What is the responsibility of the other party to the communication?

It takes two to tango

Just like a dance goes better with two people – the same goes for communication. One dancer may lead but the other must be actively responding. A good dancing pair works together – each with different roles to produce the desired moves.

People who are receiving input have a responsibility to play their part in the communication dance. Whether you are listening to a speaker or reading written material, it’s your responsibility to pay close attention.

When you are involved in a discernment process it is imperative that you listen. In many meetings, there are too many people who want to talk but not listen. There are also people who don’t talk but don’t want to listen either! Usually, these are people who have already made up their mind and are not open to new points of view. Communication fails because one partner is not fulfilling their role – listening.

In many discernment processes, coloured cards are used as a way of responding to what has been said. The expectation is that everyone will express a response to every speaker. This practice puts listening front and centre in the process. If you are not listening then you can’t show a card. If you don’t show a card then it becomes obvious who is engaged in the process and who is not.

In the movement of presenting a view and offering a response the dance of discernment unfolds.

Tips for good listening

Pay attention to the feelings, hopes and dreams that are expressed in the words that are said. These are always more important than the words themselves when it comes to working out what people need.

Give people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes people mess things up in how they say things. I have seen a lot of people hurt when they see more in what is said than was intended by the speaker.  Sure the lead communicator has a responsibility to be careful and clear. But nothing is lost by cutting a speaker a bit of slack when they say something that may be insensitive, misunderstanding or otherwise unhelpful. Listen for goodwill and shared goals until you have a good reason not to expect it.

Listen for the big picture. When working towards making a decision don’t only get into the nitty-gritty. As you listen ask yourself “what is the big picture here?” If you are gifted for it every meeting needs someone who can identify themes and common threads in the many different things that are being said. If you listen for these you can help a discernment process by offering summaries, reframing and suggestions for a way forward that takes up these broad themes. Summaries are a great way to move the conversation towards a decision.

Keep quiet! Keep your mind open and receptive. Stop the self-talk of rehearsing your next speech or what you are planning for the weekend. Don’t use social media during a speech. Consider whether your point has already been made before jumping in.

However, this tip is particularly for those people in a meeting who actually don’t want anyone else to have a say. They prefer their own position and by talking all the time they try to drown out other voices. There are bullies in meetings. There are people who intimidate others – sometimes without even knowing it.

Dealing with dominating people

If you are in a situation where people feel intimidated then this is a difficult challenge. I encourage you to think of the ways through which you can increase their silence and bolster the courage of those they intimidate.

One option might be to go around the group and ask everyone to offer something to the discussion. For some issues, a leader could write up the comments – or maybe the themes that are emerging. This gives visibility to all opinions, reduces the input of the bully and builds a team approach to resolving the issue. Discussion in smaller groups and sharing the outcome can also encourage voices because it depersonalises the points that are brought forward. As such it gives people a little protection and means that they don’t stand alone with their point of view.

Leaders – listen for the group dynamics and address those that are unhealthy or unhelpful. If the techniques that enhance inclusion do not work then the bully needs to be confronted in an appropriate way. Church meetings are exercises in the expression of discipleship. We should not let people get away with behaviour in a meeting that would be unacceptable at morning tea after worship.

Conclusion

Good communication is essential in our meetings. By learning to be a good listener you are making an invaluable contribution to the developing discernment of the group. When we listen the Holy Spirit can move and God’s leading unfold before our very eyes.

Communication in the groan zone

Communication is important at any stage in a group decision-making process. But to get through the groan zone requires special attention to your communication and leadership.

  The Groan Zone

Signs that you are in the groan zone

  • it seems that the discussion is going around in circles
  • misunderstandings and miscommunication abound
  • tensions are rising as people press for a solution when none seem obvious
  • people are defensive, short tempered and insensitive
  • exasperation, confusion, frustration, boredom and aggravation are present

The groan zone is the most difficult place in the process of group decision-making. Yet it is the essential bridge on the way from a wide collection of divergent ideas to the development of an agreed decision.

The dynamics of group decision-making

When discussion commences on a new topic what usually happens is that people start with a “business as usual” approach. So the first ideas are familiar opinions. Suggestions are usually to follow a well known path – even if it is known not to work!

Stage two is possible when the culture and practices of the group encourage the sharing of different perspectives. This is where different approaches and life experiences can be shared; “left field” ideas get floated; and new insights can come forward. At this point the thinking of the participants is becoming more divergent – the range of the discussion is widening, looking less controlled, the possible outcomes expanding and the end point less certain.

Stage three is the groan zone – more on this later.

Stage four is where the ideas of people start to coalesce and come closer together. The thinking of the group is converging. From being like the wide end of a funnel it gradually narrows down to a clear point from which a solution can emerge.

Stage five is the decision point – all these divergent ideas from the start of the process have converged to one agreed point of decision.

Communication in the groan zone

As a group moves into the place of greatest divergence in its thinking, and least clarity about where this is all going, there are key communication messages. The first responsibility of a facilitator or leader is to encourage people to hang in there.

People don’t like uncertainty. They stress out when they think that a process is not going anywhere. They get angry if they see a solution and other people keep slowing things down by talking about “other stuff”. Therefore many people want to get out of this space as fast as possible. So they simplify things too quickly – rushing  prematurely to a decision.

When people experience discomfort in a process they often judge the group to be dysfunctional and the / or the process to be bad. Communication that helps people to see that this phase is normal and necessary encourages them to stay with it for a bit longer. The groan zone is a direct and inevitable consequence of the diversity that exists in a group. Assure people that this cluster of many ideas and perspectives are the ground from which a solution will come.

Communication strategies

  • When people are rambling – paraphrase what they are saying
  • If there are misunderstandings and miscommunication ask open questions or check with people what they have said
  • Where people press for a premature solution ask what areas of the discussion this solution may not be taking into account
  • Encouraging empathy and supporting openness are responses to defensiveness, short tempers and insensitivity
  • Explore the sources of exasperation, seek clarity and respect feelings

The goals of your communication strategy

People have to sit with the tensions and the desire to “get this over with” that is inherent in a group discernment process. It is by spending sufficient time growing insight and understanding of one another and our ideas that make it possible to see common ground.

Therefore the key goals of your communication strategy in the groan zone are to encourage patience, enable perseverance and to foster tolerance. By using your communication skills to create this culture in the group you create the space for the process goals to be achieved.

The process goals are increased understanding of one another, recognition of options that meet the needs of more people in the group, and beginning to explore for common ground. Convergence will not happen unless the leader makes the groan zone a tolerable experience. It will always be hard but it can always be worse!

Conclusion

Group decision-making provides the most creative, effective and long term successful form of decision-making. However the path is not a straight line. First there must be an expansion of the conversation from the familiar to the new. Later these new insights will be incorporated into a solution that will be reflected in a well supported decision. The link between the divergence phase and the convergence phase is the groan zone. Here the disparate pieces are processed, the common ground discovered and collaboration is fostered – community is built! There are many resources available for how to build consensus through this stage. Please avoid the trap of pressing for premature agreement just because it gets a bit too hard.