Tag: leadership

Leading Through Conflict

Types of Leaders

Leading Through Conflict (Mark Gerzon) is the name of an important text for leaders. It is also an indispensable capacity for all who care about leading their community well. Leadership doesn’t happen by accident. Don’t be asleep on the job when conflict arises. Reflect on your style of leadership in a conflict and choose to be the best at leading that you can be!

Gerzon says that there are three types of leaders – and they engage with conflict in different ways. We all have the capacity to display the traits of each type of leadership. So be careful! The more we live in one “space” the more that becomes our dominant style.

Leading as a Demagogue

  • intensifies conflict
  • lacks compassion and dehumanizes persons on the other side
  • relies on ideology and not experience
  • prefers indoctrination to inquiry, misrepresentations over the truth
  • shuns complexity
  • tears down bridges and refuses to listen to new options

The Demagogue, and those who follow them, have contempt for the idea that reconciliation is possible. Therefore they prefer fear based exploitation of differences so that they can maintain their power.

The Demagogue wants to control the situation for their own ends.

Leading as a Manager

  • defines themselves by their place in the system
  • only pursues the interests of their group
  • does not think holistically but in narrow compartments of specialty or role
  • disregards the other
  • accepts existing boundaries

The Manager is often surprised by conflict because s/he doesn’t see the whole picture but only their part. So they usually struggle to generate options because of their narrow worldview. Managers hate conflict and try to “fix” it by managing the symptoms or trying to banish conflict by smothering it or through executive order.

Leading as a Mediator

  • is a steward of the whole rather than an owner of the parts (Admiral Joe Dyer, US Navy)
  • takes into account the whole and accepts complexity
  • welcomes diversity of contribution
  • commits to bridging divides and partnering with all stakeholders to do so
  • builds trust
  • delights in innovation and creative surprises
  • hopes and works to bring that hope to life

The Mediator type of leader accepts that conflict is inevitable in complex organisations. Respect for all points of view leads the Mediator to facilitate the capacity of diverse groups to listen to each other, think systemically, and to patiently inquire until there is a complete understanding of the issues.

Leading in the Mediator style uses the following 8 tools. They were first mentioned in the post 8 Steps to Turn Differences Into Opportunities. They will be expanded upon in the next post.

  1. Integral vision – acknowledging all sides of the conflict
  2. Systems thinking – understanding the connection between the factors that contribute to a conflict
  3. Presence – using all your emotional, spiritual, and mental resources to understand the nature of the dispute
  4. Inquiry – asking the right questions to get all the relevant information
  5. Conscious communication – making good choices about how you communicate during a conflict
  6. Dialogue – inspire people’s ability to work through the conflict
  7. Bridging – build partnerships that cross the borders that divide
  8. Innovation – foster breakthrough ideas and new options for resolving differences

Conclusion

In today’s complex world it is the Mediator style of leaders who have the most to offer. Think about conflicts in which you have been involved. Have there been times when you have shown the traits of the Demagogue, the Manager and/or the Mediator? Which approach resulted in the most innovation for finding a sustainable long-term solution?

Self-awareness is a key skill in effective leaders. As you engage in conflict situations note when you are behaving as these different types. Foster and build your capacity to function in Mediator mode. Think about a situation that your local congregation or group is facing right now. What skills of the Mediator type of leader can you employ in that situation? Plan for how to use the 8 steps that turn differences into opportunities.

We’d love to hear what works for you. Please share some of your experiences in the comments section.

11 tips to make church meetings work well

Church Meetings. Most people dread going to them. They tend to run long, easily get off course or do not accomplish goals. Time is precious and people’s patience is running low. Yet meetings matter – they are an essential tool in how the world works. It has been estimated that there are 25 million meetings a day in the USA, and 85 million world wide!

A better way for church meetings

Sometimes doing the simple things well can make a huge difference to the value of your meetings. Getting the basics right makes your meetings effective and your participants satisfied. Try these simple steps to make your next meeting productive and worthwhile for all involved.

Prepare for your meetings!

Let people know in advance when the meeting will take place and what the agenda will be. Always distribute the agenda in advance! Yes and send out written reports with any recommendations / proposals that will be put to the meeting. The more information you can share in advance the better.

Select a comfortable location – definitely not church pews! Can people see the faces of all who are present – not just the back of their head? Does the Chair of the meeting have a good line of sight to everyone in the room? A Chairperson needs to be able to pick up the non verbal cues as well as look at people when they speak. Are people going to end the meeting with a bad back because the seats are only good to sit on for 30 minutes?  Attention to the way a meeting space is set up facilitates good communication and attention.

If you are the Chair of the meeting be prepared and ready. We all understand that the Chair needs to be across the agenda. But s/he also needs to have given a lot of thought to the processes that will be used for each item of business. Use different methods for discussion based on the sensitivity, complexity, newness of the business. Not all business is created equal!

Some meeting do’s and don’ts

Here are some things to consider so that the flow of your meeting is productive:

Do’s

  • As leaders gather, have a short time of fellowship. Offering tea or coffee helps set a relaxed tone and gives people the opportunity to catch-up with one another.
  • Begin with prayer and a time of centring. This practice serves to give participants a sense of the holy in the midst of their work.
  • Foster active participation. Allowing people a chance to form pairs to discuss a matter before having floor discussion helps introverts contribute and feel valued.
  • Consider another way of making decisions rather than always using Robert’s Rules of Order.  These 1863 meeting procedures were designed as rules of engagement in arbitration. Yikes! I recommend that you read our book The Church Guide for Making Decisions Together to learn other ways of reaching decisions.
  • Seek common ground to make decisions.  Be sure that your leaders consider their values as they explore and reach a final position on an issue.
  • Do the administrative tasks at the end of the meeting.  The Treasurer’s Finacial Report, Staff Reports can all be done before adjournment.
  • End on time – this is crucial.

Don’ts:

  • Skip reading the minutes of the last meeting. They should have been reviewed in advance by leaders and can be simply approved if there are no revisions.
  • Go over and over the same material. When people get bogged down on the specifics tensions rise. Consider a short break or change of approach.
  • There are people in every group who like to speak, and they do – often. Prevent people from dominating or manipulating the conversation. To break this cycle, thank them for their comment and say: “Is there anyone else who would like to contribute to this discussion?” Break eye contact with the person who is speaking too often. If the problem persists, speak to them in private after the meeting.
  • Don’t try to do it all yourself! A good leader will invite a person skilled in facilitation to guide a part of the meeting when it is complex, there is potential for a perception of bias or conflict of interest, or it is emotionally demanding. They know various approaches that foster good process and decisions.

Focus!

I know these suggestions seem basic, but they are often overlooked when a group comes together to make decisions. It is my hope that your next meeting will be engaging and productive. With a little bit of effort, it can be!

 

When to use a facilitator

Situations that deserve a third party facilitator

Determining when you need a neutral third party facilitator is an important leadership task.  In times of transition or in situations where the stakes are high, inviting a third party to facilitate a process with your group can make a positive difference.  Facilitators can model the skillsets necessary for your group to improve their interactions with one another.

If you recognize any of these situations in your organization, you may need the services of a third party:

  • Emotional level between parties is high with anger and frustration
  • Communication is poor
  • Stereotypical views of positions and motives are preventing resolution
  • Behavior is negative
  • Conflict is at a high level
  • Parties cannot agree on what information is relevant or required
  • Various issues are present or the matter is complex
  • Values differ greatly and parties disagree on what is fundamentally right
  • The task before you make you realise that “this is beyond us”

What is a third party facilitator?

A third party is a trained leader who is recognized for their ability to work well with a group. They get results.  Examples of a third party leader may be a Mediator, Litigator, or Process Facilitator.  They have usually been certified or have completed a training program.  Most important, they have the experience necessary to lead your group through a situation successfully.

Questions for Consideration:

  • Does the person have the skills necessary to help move your group forward?
  • Where were they trained? When?
  • Can the third party provide references from past work?
  • Are they available to work with you on your schedule?
  • Is their personality a good fit for your group?

How can I find a third party facilitator?

Locating someone who has the skills your group needs is important. Ask your peers who they have used in a similar situation.  Authors of books can also make an excellent resource. You can also find the right person on the internet by researching blogs, articles, and events related to your issue or need.

Hiring a third party facilitator

  1. Form a Hiring Team with the responsibility to come up with a recommendation.
  2. Find at least three people who meet the skills you are looking for in a third party.
  3. Contact each person and explain the situation your organization is facing. Let them know that they have been recommended to you and ask if they are interested in working with your group. Answer their questions.
  4. Ask them if they are interested in making a proposal for consideration of services. Be sure that they outline their approach and provide a cost for their services. Ask them to list 2-3 references.
  5. Once you receive their proposals, have your hiring team review them. Sort the applicants into first, second and third. Check references.
  6. Arrange an interview with those your Hiring Team thinks are worth talking to in detail. Decide a clear choice.
  7. Present your top choice to your leaders for their support.
  8. Contract the work and set the timeline and budget.

Conclusion

Leaders who decide hire a Third Party Facilitator to lead their group are smart. It is not possible for local leaders to be all things to all people. Choosing an effective third party frees you to participate in the process as well as learn new skills.  Follow the steps recommended in this blog to find the right person to do the work necessary to help your group resolve issues and move forward together. You will be glad you did!

 

 

 

My 5 Consensus New Year Resolutions

 

It is late January and many New Year resolutions will have fallen by the wayside. The good news in this post is that you get 5 consensus New Year resolutions. Change is possible. So if you don’t achieve one you still many more!!

There is an old saying “If you aim at nothing then you are sure to hit it!” If you don’t try for changing the culture of your church then you are sure to end up with the same culture as you arrive at 2019. There are some simple mindsets and actions that you can take NOW that will give your church a chance to move towards valuing consensus based discernment. So here are some suggested resolutions. I am sure you can add some more of your own.

Consensus 101 – bell the cat

Name the problems you see in meetings. Once named it is easier to see them every time.

  • When you see people shut out of contributing – insist that they are heard
  • If people get hurt by your meeting processes care for them and challenge the meeting planners to do better
  • When decisions are resisted or get revisited time and again ask why it happens
  • When there is confusion during debates ask what can be done to help people understand the issues and the motion  (hint – questions for clarification)
  • When people don’t behave like Christians should behave tell them that it isn’t good enough and our discipleship should also be shown in meetings

Talk to people about consensus discernment

You know stuff that a lot of people in your church have never heard about. Consensus based discernment is the future but it is not the present for many congregations.

People often put up with things because they don’t know that there are alternatives. Encourage people – especially the hurt, marginalised, spiritual, hopeful, despondent people – and yes leaders who long for a better way. Share the resources that you have. Respond to their questions. Challenge them to hope and imagination.

Continue to learn about consensus discernment

Read the posts from this site. If you haven’t done it yet buy our  book The Church Guide For Making Decisions Together. Read other books from secular  and religious authors that talk about consensus building and decision-making. Some examples are: Mark Gerzon The Reunited States of America and Ruth Haley Barton Pursuing God’s Will Together.

Buy the Making Church Decisions course. Five modules with four or five lessons in each module that are full of insights and practical usable tips plus many resources that are not in the book. The course will be available late February. Sign up for the posts or follow on FaceBook to be sure that you hear about it and get a chance to grab the heavily discounted launch special!

Organise seminars and workshops in your local church or district. Julia and I are very keen to meet you in person and to have the chance to explore in depth the ideas and resources that we have. What better way to get access to one or both of us to coach and mentor you around the specific situations that you face!

Start or join on line discussions. We would love more comments on our FaceBook posts (@makingchurchdecisions.com) or on these posts. We want to encourage a community of learning. Lead the discussion or join in when you can.

Build group cohesion and find common goals

People gathered together in groups can have a wide range of aims when they come together. Unless these aims are aligned in some way then building consensus is not possible. It is no accident that the effective examples of consensus based discernment or decision-making are seen in groups that have a shared goal.

Goals need to be aligned at a very high level – the detail is not as important as the highest shared value(s). Examples of high-level goals include making a commercial profit, maintaining peace and stability in a community, seeking to do the will of God, community action groups seeking change in their community. If the focus is too much on lower level objectives then the divergence between participants magnifies.

Identify and agree about the high level goals.  People will support and strive to achieve these. This is an essential prerequisite foundation for building consensus. These goals or objectives may be served by a wide variety of strategies. The individual ideas about the way to achieve the goal become less important than the end point. As a result people can change from their initial ideas, or can accommodate more than one approach. If people see alternatives as a better way to support the main / common goal then they will accept them.

Encourage and build diversity in your meetings

When a group is very homogeneous in character, and attitudes among group members are too similar, it works against consensus. In such cases it is very difficult to generate new ideas that lead to the best decisions.

The best way to reduce the risk of this “group think” is to get a whole lot of different people in the room. Businesses recognise the importance of cultural, gender, age and experience diversity on their Boards. Diverse Boards generate more ideas and make better decisions. The same goes for the church.

So start thinking about your local church council or board and whether it is diverse enough. If it isn’t diverse start encouraging a range of different people to become members.

Conclusion

The start of a new year is a great time to think about doing things differently! Here are 5 things that you can do now that will help you to develop an openness and culture where consensus based discernment can take root and flourish. Hopefully you can add some more.

We would love to hear from you about the goals you have set for yourself this year and how they go. You can use the comments option on this post or start a conversation on FaceBook @makingchurchdecision.com

Six things that work against consensus

There are a number of things that work against consensus being achieved. They need to be recognised and addressed.

Group Think

When being a member of a group creates pressure on members to narrow down the range of opinions Groupthink occurs. When a group is very homogeneous in character, and attitudes among group members are too similar, it works against consensus. In such cases it is very difficult to generate new ideas that lead to the best decisions. This risk is not limited to groups that seek to build consensus for their decisions. However when coming to consensus is highly prized in a group, there can be pressure to conform. Groupthink can be minimized by allowing individuals to first independently collect information before presenting their recommended course of action.

When there is no group

A collection of individuals who have no shared purpose or common interests cannot make a group decision. There must be something that binds  people together and there must also be a shared willingness to work on the project together.

A major challenge facing churches that want to move to consensus building in decision-making is a high level of conflict amongst their members. The level of brokenness in relationships, limited trust and major positional differences are significant challenges and work against consensus.

Nevertheless every effort should be made to find the common ground of some shared values or higher level shared goals.  Serious disagreements should not be used as an excuse to avoid trying to build consensus.

No agreed purpose for the meeting

If people think that a meeting is only a rubber stamp for the leadership’s preconceived ideas then you can’t use consensus processes. When a meeting is seen as a source ideas that will be decided upon later then genuine consensus will not be sought. In The Church Guide For Making Decisions Together  we make the point that it works against consensus if participants in a meeting don’t agree about its purpose.

In emergencies

As the old saying goes “there are no democrats in a foxhole.” Different kinds of leadership are required for different purposes. A crisis needs swift action and usually a decision about which issue is most important to address at that time. Authority based leadership is most suitable in this context.

When there is no decision to take

Sometimes this occurs when a decision is particularly trivial. You don’t need a sophisticated process to decide the color of the table cloths in the church hall.

On other occasions it will be because not everyone has to agree on a given course of action. A church meeting might gather to consider mission strategies at which many ideas are shared. As interested people gather around the ideas that they support, they don’t need everyone to agree to do their thing before it can happen.

It isn’t the right time

Sometimes a group will not have all the information that it needs so it cannot reach a good decision. In such situations a pause should be taken. This allows for more data or resources to be gathered to inform the next stage of the conversation.

On other occasions people may have a clear idea on what should be done, but  will know that now is not the time. Many a good idea fails because it is planted out of season. Being willing to consider “when” is as important as the “what”.

Conclusion

Clearly there are obstacles to coming to consensus – where that means a unanimous decision. For other examples see here. Please share a comment  about when consensus building has proved to be difficult and what you did about it.

Even if it is unlikely that you will reach a unanimous view on a given subject – do not stop using consensus building techniques. Continue to show respect for one another. Listen carefully to all the voices. Seek common ground and be prepared to change your mind. Even if you don’t get to full agreement there will be many areas where consensus can be built. By identifying the areas of agreement it is possible to clearly identify continuing disagreements and to generate strategies for addressing them.