Conflict – surely it’s not a good thing!?!
Contrary to what most people think: not all conflict is bad! Despite our tendency to want to run away from conflict when it is brewing, there are benefits to be realized by standing your ground and working through it. Congregations that avoid resolving conflict are like toddlers learning to crawl – at some point it’s much more fun to walk!
Evelyn Fisher, a Kansas clergywoman in the USA, taught me many things about dealing well with conflict in organizations. Here is a quick synopsis, in no particular order, of 10 of the benefits of conflict that I learned from Evelyn.
It helps us know others better
One of the important skills for engaging conflict well is the ability to set aside our own feelings and listen deeply to the other person. To be fully present. Whenever we able to do that well, we almost always learn something new about ourselves, other people and life’s challenges. When you short change the listening process, you rob people of the opportunity to deepen their relationships and understanding of each other.
It clears the air
There is little that is more uncomfortable in a congregation than conflict simmering just below the surface. You can feel it. Waiting almost never makes disagreements go away. In fact, avoiding conflict can increase the pressure until there is an explosion of anger and distrust in the most inappropriate places. So don’t put off the inevitable! It is always better to address conflict before it becomes insurmountable.
It helps us know ourselves better
Addressing conflict productively requires us to examine our own heart, our own thinking, and our own feelings. All good things to do at any time in order to become self aware and mature. Conflict brings us to a place of choice. This is an excellent time to examine our values and perceptions to see if they are still relevant and meaningful.
It encourages creativity
Working through conflict requires groups to consider all the options that are available to them. Often the best solution is one that nobody thought of before. So by engaging conflict in a healthy way presents an opportunity to do your very best work as an organization. It helps you resolve a situation with strength and potential.
It frees energy
A great deal of emotional energy is consumed by keeping the lid on conflict so it doesn’t explode. When it is addressed in a timely manner energy is actually freed for more important things. Only then can you turn your sights on your very best work as a group.
It invites forgiveness
True forgiveness is a precious commodity in our world. It seems that people are growing increasingly uncivil. Working through conflict well gives us an opportunity to give and receive forgiveness. It allows us to draw closer together as a redemptive community of faith.
It develops clarity
Conflict often leads to confusion, and confusion leads to conflict. What would happen if you simply stopped avoiding the situation that is causing tension and dealt well with the conflict in your midst? What do you have to lose?
Engaging the conflict clarifies our thinking (both personally and corporately)
When faced with choices groups can come to a firm understanding about what is truly important to them. The learn why things matter to them. By working through a situation causing conflict with mutual respect, individuals and groups learn what they treasure.
It deepens relationships
We’ve talked about this before, but conflict can draw people closer together. The more we know one another and ourselves, the stronger the relationships become. If we focus on the problem and do not make people the issue, a community of faith can become stronger. Why? Because they can reaffirm the values and beliefs that formed the congregation in the first place.
It fosters humility
Sometimes we have to admit that we are wrong. It’s a good practice for Christians to apologize when they are wrong. Frankly, this seems to be a lost art in most congregations when someone can say: “I learned something I did not know and it has helped me change my mind on this matter!”
Dealing well with conflict is holy work
How we deal with conflict shows what we think about God and one another. If God is truly the perfecter and author of peace, then we should seek it with our whole being. Whenever we participate well in addressing conflict we become the peacemakers whom Jesus blessed and called his beloved.
Amen? Amen!