Navigating Conflict
In the last two posts @makingchurchdecisions.com explained the 12 warning signs that indicate conflict is brewing in your congregation. This post will share practical ideas for effectively dealing with these indications of conflict.
Have you ever been in a deep fog when driving a car or navigating a boat? This deep mist makes it hard to get from A – B because it limits your sight. Deep conflict can be just as devastating to an organization if you do not learn how to navigate through it successfully.
Here are some practical ideas to move you though the mist to accomplish your God-given mission.
Specific Ideas for Each Conflict Warning Sign
1. No clear group purpose or vision
- Hold a Vision Retreat for Church Leaders and Members to discern their future together. Specifically, see if you can write the purpose of the church in one sentence and plan events and activities for the coming year that accomplish it.
- Design a phrase that defines why your congregation exists and post it in a significant place for all to see. Post it on your web site, newsletter and any other media you use to communicate with others about your church
- Preach on Matthew 28 and share the mission that all Christian disciples receive from Christ. If possible, put faces on the people that you teach and baptize so members can appreciate that they are engaged in God’s mission.
2. Tradition becomes primary; change avoided
- Add one new activity to your Christmas celebrations that reach new people during the season. Perhaps instead of holding a traditional “Hanging of the Greens” or Advent Story Festival, consider holding a “Living Nativity” one evening where members dress up in character at various stations telling the story of the coming and birth of Christ. Some congregations do this in a public place where the whole community can witness the story. For fun, add live animals and music.
- Hold an evaluation meeting on how your church leaders do things throughout the year. For each ministry ask:
- Who are we trying to reach by this activity or event? What do we know about this age today?
- How well are we doing it? (numbers reached, etc.)
- What can we do differently to be more effective?
3. Major decisions are put off or always under consideration
- Have a list of items under consideration that have yet to be resolved. Decide that they must be decided in 3 months or they are removed from the list.
- Spend more time in the “Information Sharing” phase of your church decision meetings. Clearly present what is under consideration, why is the situation is important to the congregation and why a decision must be made.
- Stop the “Parking Lot” meetings that occur after the church leadership meeting adjorns. Simply refuse to change to the decisions made by a few individuals after leaders deliberate and make a decision together.
- Invite people to come to meetings prepared to make a decision. Be sure they have the notice of the meeting in advance. Hand out the Agenda and related materials or information 2 weeks in advance.
- Use a consensus building decision making process (see our book: “The Church Guide For Making Decisions Together” (Abingdon, 2017) for the specific steps of this process. This method engages everyone to participate and generate creative options.
4. Frequent leadership turnover
- Hold a Ministry Fair/Reception near All Saints day or Pentecost each year. Have leaders responsible for the specific ministry they lead prepare a presentation area that outlines what their area covers, what it does, and what they have accomplished during the year. It could be presented as part of the worship or adult ministry activity on Sunday.
- Recognize leaders for their accomplishments and spirit. Some churches do this during the offering one Sunday a month by recognizing different people in the congregation who exemplify a generous of spirit for the time and energy they share generously with the church. Other churches hold a Leadership Appreciation Day once a year.
5. People are content to sit back and criticize
- During Lent, give up whining in the church. Make it interesting. Collect a dollar from anyone who criticizes another. Give the collected funds to a mission project.
- Hold a class on Spiritual Gifts and encourage adults to participate. This series should include a Bible Study on the gifts, provide an inventory for people to identify their gifts, and show how each of these gifts are all necessary in the live of the congregation.
6. People leave meetings (and worship) quickly
- Have a short reception before meetings with cheese and fruit or a simple dessert. Allow this time to be a quick check-in with one another.
- Have a Fellowship Time after Worship hosted by various members of the congregation. Be sure the beverage is really tasty. This can also be a time to hand out meeting notices and agendas as well as provide a time to be present to answer questions people may have about an upcoming event.
7. Leaders compete with one another and act uncivil to each other
- Offer a Team Building training for church leaders
- Preach a 3 part series on being on God’s team using Ephesians 4
8. Differences lead to withdrawal
- Arrange visitation for members who stop coming to worship or attending meetings as soon as you noice their absence. This should be done within 2 weeks by a home visit, telephone call or email. Let them know that they are missed. Enquire if there is a reason you should know about.
- Be vigilent to skirmishes that break out over a difference of opinion. When possible, intervene. Thank both parties for their commitment to the church and invite them to pray about the matter which will be added to the next church meeting.
- Remind people: “All can have their say, but not all will have their way.” Invite people to be open to discerning God’s will and learning to comproise.
9. Little laughter is heard
- Teach people to be hard on issues and soft on one another
- Establish a Behavioral Guideline / Covenant. Include the task of not taking oneself too seriously yet taking Christ’s guidance very seriously.
- Model being relaxed and even laughing at oneself when a genuine opportunity presents itself.
- Teach a class on the humor of Christ or the funny things in the Bible that were said for effect or to demonstrate the awesome power of God. (i.e. Sarah laughing when she heard she would bear a son in her advanced years.)
10. Giving is more a chore than a joy
- Have mission moments during the Sunday Service that share specifically what finds go toward in the church that are transforming people’s lives. If possible, have the people involved share their story and thank the church members.
- Hold a Stewardship Campaign – this helps you be realistic in what finds you can expect from members and adjust the budget to respect giving.
- Limit fundraisers. Some churches have one event after the other just to pay the bills. This can be exhausting. While some of these events are vital, they also demonstrate a deeper problem in the church. Identify why the church cannot pay it’s bills and make adjustments or hold a meeting to discuss other options.
11. Pastor/Judicatory Leader spends valuable time calming people
- Clarify the Pastor’s Job. The Staff-Parish Committee (or pertinent group in your church that handles staff issues), should meet and review, or write, the Pastor’s Job description if one does not exist. Church leaders should then review and approve it. Finally, share it with the congregation. (Obviously, do not include a line about keeping everyone happy.)
- Learn how to deal with your level of conflict that usually blames the pastor. Bring in a neutral person to assess your level of conflict, and recommend steps you can take to de-escalate the situation and lessen stress.
- Make it a last resort to call in a judicatory leader to be ‘judge and jury’. Only invite them in to teach you how to learn ways to make better decisions, respect each another as Christians, and hear about new ways to be effective in ministry.
12. Called meetings poorly attended (or packed)
- Have an Agenda for every meeting that lists vital tasks. Never meet simply to meet.
- Rather than have “run-on” discussions which drain people, use process tools to gain full participation. These may include a SWOT analysis (which measures your Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats), or an APA Chart (which lists what you must Achieve, Preserve or Avoid in order to be a faithful church). You can find more activities in organizational resources, in our book or on-line.
Summary
The best way to use these practical ideas for diffusing the early warning signs of conflict, is to form a small team of 3-4 people to work with you. First, identify the warning sign you notice most in your congregation now. Next, work together to select an idea most suited for your group and put it into practice. Finally, evaluate how the situation is going. After a set time, do you notice a difference in your congregation or organization?
Conflict often exhibits several warning signs at the same time, so repeat this process as needed. Remember these are merely early warning signs of conflict. For more serious realities like people fighting or calling one another names, people taking sides, etc. you will need to address the level of conflict appropriately.
For more information on the levels of conflict, read Chapter 2 of our book, or review the articles archived on the subject.
Blessings!