Tag: spiritual

Liminal spaces – a waiting time

Easter Saturday and Consensus Building

Liminal spaces are essential in life. What can Easter Saturday teach us about how to do discernment? For these ideas, I am indebted to my colleague, Rev Dr John Squires. John wrote a very fine post at Easter called: “A time in-between the times, a space in no space.”

In his reflection, he observed that “Easter Saturday is a liminal space. The word liminal comes from the Latin word līmen, which means “a threshold”. Technically, that is the place that marks off one space from another.” For the first disciples, there was something slow, cautious and anxious about Easter Saturday. For today’s Christians, there is a waiting hopefulness that there is something to celebrate after Easter Saturday. For all, it is a time in between – neither one thing nor the other.

You can’t rush from Good Friday to Easter Sunday – one just has to wait in hope. There are no shortcuts – it takes time and patience.

Consensus building discernment has these times of waiting. Times between what is known and what might be. This is the creative moment where God is doing God’s work while we stand by helpless – except in our patience and hopefulness.

Liminal spaces – waiting for God

I know so many people who resist using consensus discernment because they can’t cope with the uncertainty. Consensus discernment is a process that requires us to let go of what we know and to wait in hope. Built into it is uncertainty!

Instead many people like to stay with what they know – never letting go of their points of view and the importance they give to their experience. Many people cannot let go of their preferred solution. So they stay mired in the present and the future is lost to them.

Others want to rush to the next idea, a great plan, a quick fix that will remove the tension of not knowing what to do. For these people there is no “time between time” and they cannot find “a space in no space.”

However, the way to God’s future so often requires patience and waiting!! Instead of clinging to the past or rushing to our idea of the future, consensus-building invites us to wait. The waiting is not passive or lazy. This waiting is expectant, attentive to the movement of the Holy Spirit and patiently waiting for God to do what we cannot do in our human strength and wisdom. Discernment needs its Easter Saturday experiences.

What to do in the liminal spaces

Like the disciples – be together. Stay connected to the community of discernment and support each other.

Do not pretend that it is easy to wait for discernment to come – because a lot of times it isn’t! Share honestly the experience of loss and grief that comes with the realization that things are being put to death.

Reach out to the God who has brought you to this liminal space of waiting – keep praying and engaging in spiritual disciplines.

Don’t try and come up with a quick fix – there probably isn’t one! In patience imagine all the possibilities and then let God surprise you with the gift of new insight and a future that you could never have made happen.

Conclusion

As John Squires observed: “On this Saturday, the day in between Friday and Sunday, we look back at what was lost … and we yearn for what is yet to be.” Consensus-based discernment is a spiritual practice that can mirror the Easter experience. Yes, there is loss, waiting, anxiety and uncertainty – but ultimately there is new life by the grace and work of God.

 

10 Great Things About Conflict

Conflict – surely it’s not a good thing!?!

Contrary to what most people think: not all conflict is bad! Despite our tendency to want to run away from conflict when it is brewing, there are benefits to be realized by standing your ground and working through it. Congregations that avoid resolving conflict are like toddlers learning to crawl – at some point it’s much more fun to walk!

Evelyn Fisher, a Kansas clergywoman in the USA, taught me many things about dealing well with conflict in organizations. Here is a quick synopsis, in no particular order, of 10 of the benefits of conflict that I learned from Evelyn.

It helps us know others better

One of the important skills for engaging conflict well is the ability to set aside our own feelings and listen deeply to the other person. To be fully present. Whenever we able to do that well, we almost always learn something new about ourselves, other people and life’s challenges. When you short change the listening process, you rob people of the opportunity to deepen their relationships and understanding of each other.

It clears the air

There is little that is more uncomfortable in a congregation than conflict simmering just below the surface. You can feel it. Waiting almost never  makes disagreements go away. In fact, avoiding conflict can increase the pressure until there is an explosion of anger and distrust in the most inappropriate places. So don’t put off the inevitable! It is always better to address conflict before it becomes insurmountable.

It helps us know ourselves better

Addressing conflict productively requires us to examine our own heart, our own thinking, and our own feelings. All good things to do at any time in order to become self aware and mature. Conflict brings us to a place of choice. This is an excellent time to examine our values and perceptions to see if they are still relevant and meaningful.

It encourages creativity

Working through conflict requires groups to consider all the options that are available to them. Often the best solution is one that nobody thought of before. So by engaging conflict in a healthy way presents an opportunity to do your very best work as an organization. It helps you resolve a situation with strength and potential.

It frees energy

A great deal of emotional energy is consumed by keeping the lid on conflict so it doesn’t explode. When it is addressed in a timely manner energy is actually freed for more important things. Only then can you turn your sights on your very best work as a group.

It invites forgiveness

True forgiveness is a precious commodity in our world. It seems that people are growing increasingly uncivil. Working through conflict well gives us an opportunity to give and receive forgiveness. It allows us to draw closer together as a redemptive community of faith.

It develops clarity

Conflict often leads to confusion, and confusion leads to conflict. What would happen if you simply stopped avoiding the situation that is causing tension and dealt well with the conflict in your midst? What do you have to lose?

Engaging the conflict clarifies our thinking (both personally and corporately)

When faced with choices groups can come to a firm understanding about what is truly important to them. The learn why things matter to them. By working through a situation causing conflict with mutual respect, individuals and groups learn what they treasure.

It deepens relationships

We’ve talked about this before, but conflict can draw people closer together. The more we know one another and ourselves, the stronger the relationships become. If we focus on the problem and do not make people the issue, a community of faith can become stronger. Why? Because they can reaffirm the values and beliefs that formed the congregation in the first place.

It fosters humility

Sometimes we have to admit that we are wrong. It’s a good practice for Christians to apologize when they are wrong. Frankly, this seems to be a lost art in most congregations when someone can say: “I learned something I did not know and it has helped me change my mind on this matter!”

Dealing well with conflict is holy work

How we deal with conflict shows what we think about God and one another. If God is truly the perfecter and author of peace, then we should seek it with our whole being. Whenever we participate well in addressing conflict we become the peacemakers whom Jesus blessed and called his beloved.

Amen?  Amen!

Worship Service of Reconciliation and Forgiveness

Conflict can be destructive in a congregation or organization. Once you deal with a major conflict in your group it is not just enough in a church context to talk about it and leave it at that. Healing – deep healing – needs to draw on spiritual resources.

So plan to bring these spiritual resources before the community of faith with a special worship service. Its order and content will focus on how to foster reconciliation and forgiveness. This helps people move on in a positive way – resourced by God to do so.

The following Order of Worship is one that I use.  Make adjustments to reflect your traditional order of worship, your denomination or culture. Involve as many people as possible by having laity read Scripture, read prayers, etc.

ORDER OF WORSHIP

FOR A SERVICE OF HEALING AND RECONCILIATION

Call to worship: 

*Opening Hymn: “The Church’s One Foundation” UMH* 545 (or other song that reminds people of their common ground)

Pastoral Prayer

Children’s message on forgiveness

Offering (special music)

Doxology

*Scripture: Exodus 3 – 4:17 (on the call of Moses) or Ephesians 4 (Unity of the Body)

Message 

     Statements of Gratitude and Affirmation

Prayer of Thanksgiving

ALL:

          We thank you, O Lord,

          for all the ways you have blessed us here at (name of church)

          You have given us gifted leaders

          You have blessed us with a community of faith

          You have endowed our lives with goodness

          You have given us the Holy Scriptures

          But most of all,

          you have given us the gift of your Son Jesus Christ

          and the healing power of your Holy Spirit.

          For all these blessings and more,

          we praise and thank you.

          Through Jesus Christ we pray, Amen

 Statements of Regret and Confession

Prayer of Confession

LEADER

If we claim that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves,

and the truth is not in us.

PEOPLE

          But if we confess our sins,

          God who is faithful and just

          will forgive our sins

          and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

LEADER

Let us confess our sins against God and our neighbor…

Moments of Silence

 PEOPLE

          Merciful God, Father of our Lord Jesus Christ;

          maker of all things; judge of all people:

          we acknowledge the many sins and failures

          that we have committed

          by thought, word, and action

          against each other and against you.

          We earnestly repent.

          We are deeply sorry for our damaging words

          and our destructive behaviors.

          In your mercy forgive what we have been,

          help us to amend what we are,

          and direct what we shall be,

          so that we may delight in your will

          and walk in your ways, giving you the glory.

          Amen

LEADER

Hear the good news!

The saying is sure and worthy of full acceptance,

that Christ Jesus came into the world

to save sinners.

He himself bore our sins in his body on the cross,

that we might be dead to sins

and be alive to all that is good.

In the name of Jesus Christ, embrace God’s

forgiveness and peace.

Signs of God’s Peace (handshakes or embraces shared with the words:  The Peace of Christ be with you!  Response:  And also with you!)

Holy Communion (Pastor)

Annointing (Lay leader) (Make the sign of the cross with oil on people’s right hands with the words:  (Name), live as a forgiven child of God)

 Closing Hymn: “Blest Be the Tie That Binds” UMH 557

Benediction/Sending

  • UMH refers to the United Methodist Hymnal

This Order of Worship is especially meaningful after your congregation has worked through a serious conflict and people have owned their part in the tension and agree to work together in peace.

The spiritual foundations for discernment

  

Foundations matter

A long time ago I built a retaining wall in the backyard of my new house. At its highest point it was about 1.5 meters (5 feet) high. It was made up of large keystone blocks that weighed 20kgs (44lbs) each. There were over 200 of them across 25 meters (27 yards) of ground and five high at their peak. It took six months before they started to tumble.

I spent so much time getting that foundation of concrete wide and deep and flat enough to hold them. But I didn’t quite get it right. I was lucky that I only had to pull out 25 blocks to fix it.

The solid foundation for discernment is that it must have spiritual foundations. So there is no Christian discernment that does not have spiritual foundations. Discernment is the process of determining God’s desire in a situation, or being able to distinguish that which is of God and that which is not. Hanging out with God is inherently a spiritual activity.

From this understanding we can identify the spiritual attitudes and practices that support discernment.

Commitment to Jesus

Commitment to Jesus is the first prerequisite for discernment. Christ can only be known through the presence of the Holy Spirit made accessible through faith. The Holy Spirit makes possible an awareness of God’s character and desires.

God’s work in Jesus makes it possible to have unity with God. So all the barriers that prevent this relationship and the capacity to faithfully follow God’s way have been overcome. Through the work of the Holy Spirit, we are sustained in relationship with Christ, invited to serve God and empowered to do so.

A yearning to find God

Discernment presupposes that the people want the will of God to be achieved and not their own. So nourish the spirit in you that hungers after God. Yearn to know and please God – it is not limited to the prayer cells of mystics.

Self-emptying and being filled with the Holy Spirit is a core practice of the Christian life. This is what makes it possible for us to distinguish between willfully pursuing our own preferences and willingly surrendering to the will of God. Radical openness is required in group discernment as well as is in our personal life.

Believing in God’s goodness

Discernment will often take us where we do not want to go. The Spirit will lead and at times we will be afraid. When we walk in the Spirit we go where God takes us. We can only let go of our own wisdom, fears and great ideas if we have embraced at a deep level the goodness of God. When we have developed spiritual confidence we can go anywhere in response to what we discern because we know that God desires good for us.

The goal of Christian discernment is to put people of faith in a place where they can participate in the hopes and purposes that God has in store for the community of which they are a part. That is always a good place to be.

Belief that we have no higher calling than love

The Christian life is a journey towards living a Christ like life. Christ reveals the true character of God. God is love and we show our allegiance to God as we love God, others and the world (1 John 4:8).

Cultivate a loving disposition because it is foundational for discernment. God will never do anything that does not show love towards people. A core spiritual foundation for discernment is to keep asking “What does love require?” And then listening for the answer!

Obedience

The Christian life is impossible without obedience to the will of God. So there is no point making decisions in church meetings if we have not nurtured our capacity to follow God – come what may.

Community

Dietrich Bonhoeffer the German martyr and theologian said about the Christian community “It is a gift that we cannot claim. It is not an ideal which we must realize; it is rather a reality created by God in which we must participate. … Christian community is founded solely on Jesus Christ…” (Life Together, NY, Harper Collins, 1954, pp30-31.)

The community of discernment finds its identity as it gathers around the person of Jesus. This community is transformed and reshaped by Jesus who stands at the center of our community.

Only when Christians convert to this sense of identity – as a community in Christ – is it possible to see that we are not just meeting to do business but that we are a spiritual community.

Spiritual foundations for discernment

Commitment to Jesus, yearning, confidence in God’s goodness, love, obedience and community.

Which foundations have you applied? Do you have any to add to the list? Please share them in the comments section.

6 things I wish they taught me about church meetings

When I went to theological college / seminary we didn’t have any lessons on how to run church meetings. There was no lesson that made clear that our church meetings were for seeking discernment. This is what I wish I  was taught.

  1. It’s not our meeting – it belongs to God

A possible notice for your church bulletin: the Holy Spirit will be leading the Property Committee on Wednesday at 7.30pm to discern the will of God for our congregation.

You don’t hold meetings in the church. Christ calls you into a community of discernment. God is calling you to listen and learn. God calls and gifts people to make decisions – for the sake of God’s mission in the world.

Often people turn up at meetings  to pursue their own agenda. A lot of meetings are held just because it’s a certain date on the calendar. Many meetings end with people saying “What was the point of that meeting?!” Wrong, wrong, wrong. You don’t want those kinds of meetings!

Every church meeting is an opportunity to understand what Jesus wants from your community of faith. You are not involved in simple meetings. You are part of God’s unfolding drama of salvation. Church meetings are caught up in the divine purposes of God. Awesome!

  1. God’s will can be known

In your personal walk of faith you can probably tell lots of stories about how you have been led by God. The bedrock assumption of the Gospel is that it is possible to know the will of God. Great. So how do you live that out when you hold meetings in the church?

Apply your conviction that the will of God can be known to the way that you approach church meetings. What difference would it make if you planned and participated in meetings believing that God  makes it possible to have unity with God and to be obedient?

It is not always easy to discern the will of God. For the Christian – whether in private or as part of a group – there is no other game in town. If you are not interested in discerning the will of God for your community why do you even hold any church meetings?

All the barriers that prevent our capacity to faithfully follow God’s way have been overcome. Through the work of the Holy Spirit, you are sustained in relationship with Christ, invited to serve God, and empowered to do so. God will lead you.

  1. Meetings are an exercise in spiritual discernment

The goal of Christian decision-making is to participate in the hopes and purposes that God has in store for you and your faith community. Therefore your meetings are spiritual exercises. Discernment (making Godly decisions together) is the goal and the purpose of church meetings.

Your church meetings have a spiritual destination – discernment. Spiritual results come from using spiritual resources. Unfortunately there are too many stories around the church about church meetings that look like the worst of political power plays and the serving of self-interest. Let’s not go there! Let’s think about spiritual results from using spiritual practices.

If you want to find God in your meetings then use the tools that God has given you – all the way through the meeting. Prayer, reflection on the Scriptures, deep listening to others, waiting for the Holy Spirit’s leading, confession, forgiveness, and the gifts of the Holy Spirit are resources often neglected in church meetings.

You don’t make a cake by using ground beef and gravy. You don’t get discernment unless your meeting includes the spiritual practices that make discernment possible.

  1. Use Christian practices of discernment

If you had a lesson on running a meeting in seminary it probably involved turning up the section of the rule book that talked about moving motions, seconding, points of order, taking a vote, etc. In many churches the rules are based on parliamentary processes, and follow its style of debate and decision making. Robert’s Rules of Order is the classic presentation of this approach.

I know that God can use anyone to serve God’s purposes. The Persian emperor Cyrus comes to mind. But do we really want to put God to the test by continuing to use practices that have zero to do with Christian discernment?

What is Christian about trying to score points at the expense of another person? Where is the Holy Spirit in shutting down a debate by moving that “the motion be put”? How is the body of Christ built up when people’s contribution to discernment is crushed through political maneuvering? If knowledge is power; how is it Christian to keep the knowledge to a few and not share it with everyone? What is honorable, good and right about sowing confusion in order to prevent a motion being passed? How is the body of Christ respected when meeting procedures favor articulate, well educated, aggressive, usually, white men?

There is nothing inherently Christian in Robert’s Rules of Order. The people of God have a wonderful and effective set of resources and processes for discerning God’s will –  and most churches refuse to use them.

  1. What to do when people disagree

Call for the vote. That’s what I learned. So, if it is clear what the majority support just close down the debate. Being pastoral was shown by not letting arguments go on and on. It was considered to be for the best to not get people all riled up with each other.

I don’t see it that way any longer. If knowing the will of God were that easy then everyone would be doing it. It isn’t easy for theological, sociological, capacity and willingness reasons. We will have disagreement until we reach the mind of Christ on an issue. Disagreement – a lack of consensus – is a sign that our journey towards discernment is not over. Instead of being a reason to shut down the discussion, disagreement should be embraced as a place for the possibility of revelation.

Christ only has one mind on an issue. So expect that the Church, the Body of Christ, will come to agreement when it has discerned Christ’s will on a particular topic. Disagreement is the doorway through which insight will be found. Disagreement is not a problem to be fixed but a sign of the promised answer to be welcomed.

When there is disagreement

  • Create a culture of acceptance and safe spaces where people can feel secure in offering a different point of view.
    • Give people a chance to speak about what concerns them and their ideas.
    • Show respect.
    • Listen carefully and ask questions to help your understanding.
    • Be honest with yourself about why you have difficulty accepting another point of view.
    • Pray and seek the Holy Spirit.
    • Take your time – work in God’s time not yours.
    • Don’t rush.

  1. Build the capacity for discernment in leaders

When you are recruiting for your church Board or Committees what are you looking for? Many recruitment processes include a skills matrix so that all the important skills are included in church Committees. This is a very wise thing to do.

When that process has been completed there is no guarantee that you will have the ability to discern God’s will in your group. Without the right character and attitudes in the membership of your church Board you don’t have a community of discernment. You have sets of skills sitting on seats.

Group discernment is impossible if the people in the group do not know how to practice discernment in their own life. Cultivate in your Board members the character of humility. People who know everything cannot be led by the Holy Spirit.

Expect and seek evidence that your group members engage in the practices of personal spiritual discernment – solitude, silence, engaging the Scriptures for spiritual transformation, prayer, growing is self-awareness. A leader who is not able to discern what is going on inside of him/herself cannot discern what is true or false outside of him/her.

Having developed a life habit of seeking the movement of the Holy Spirit in your life you can join with others in this discernment of the Spirit in shared responsibilities.

Six things that I would have liked to learn earlier in my ministry:

  • It’s not our meeting – it belongs to God
    • God’s will can be known
    • Meetings are an exercise in spiritual discernment
    • Use Christian practices of discernment
    • What to do when people disagree
    • Build the capacity for discernment in leaders

What things have you learned about Christian group discernment? What questions or comments do you have on these approaches? Let’s learn together by hearing your comments.