Month: January 2019

Civil War in the Church

 

A civil war in the church is offensive to the Gospel and a rejection of the ministry of Jesus Christ. Yet what do we see in many places? We see Christians who hate each other; who belittle and abuse one another, and refuse to see any good thing in the person with whom they disagree.

What are the signs of civil war?

The signs of civil war in the church are the same as those that are apparent in wider American society. It is a civil war of the soul: by virtually every measure, Americans are more alienated from each other than ever before.

Writing in the Huffington Post, Richard North Patterson observed that on issues of race and ethnicity, immigration, feminism and gender, guns and education there is a massive divergence of opinion in the USA. The article is an opinion piece on politics in America. The authors of makingchurchdecisions.com do not endorse or promote his opinion. Nevertheless, it does, in my view, provide a fair analysis of the divisions and behaviors that exist in present-day America and as such is worth sharing. A link is provided as it is proper to provide sources of data and so that readers can judge their reasonableness for themselves. Mr Patterson is a New York Times best-selling author of 22 novels, a former chairman of Common Cause, and a member of the Council on Foreign Relations.

He says “All these fault lines fuel political trench warfare, stifling compromise and preventing us from resolving our most pressing problems. But equally pernicious is how this mass failure of empathy and imagination poisons our attitudes toward each other …

No longer do partisans view their political opponents as simply wrong or misguided, but as enemies of all they hold dear. … ever more Republicans and Democrats deny each other’s facts, disapprove of each other’s lifestyles, avoid each other’s neighborhoods, impugn each other’s motives, doubt each other’s patriotism, deplore each other’s news sources, detest each other’s party and, indeed, despise and dehumanize who they imagine each other to be.

These opposing groups have become hostile forces living in gated communities of the mind, ripe for exploitation by an unprincipled (person).”

Signs of Civil War in the Church

  • Issues are presented as being of existential and/or eternal significance
  • Inability to accommodate the needs of others
  • Paralysis when resolving pressing problems
  • Failure of empathy and imagination
  • Impugning each other’s motives
  • Detesting each other’s groups
  • Stop listening to alternative points of view
  • Despising and dehumanizing who they imagine each other to be

The signs of a civil war in the church are everywhere! I am in shock at what I have read, seen and heard about the things that are going on in the United Methodist Church (USA). I know that it is often said that people shouldn’t talk about what is going on in other churches. But you see – every church is part of the one family. What the UMC (USA) does affect the attitude of people to all churches – including mine on the far side of the planet.

Every Christian has skin in the game when other Christians behave badly.

What is going on?

Sadly these signs are all too familiar in the life of churches. When I see the signs of civil war in the church I see the following.

  • People want to make issues much bigger and more important than God considers them to be. Decisions are invested with eternal significance when they are not the essentials of the faith. People are playing God.
  • Selfishness and ego mean that people are only concerned for themselves.
  • Christians who get paralysed in finding a way through have closed themselves off to the movement of the Holy Spirit in their community. Christ brings reconciliation to communities and does not divide them.
  • A failure of empathy is a failure to love; and a sign of self-absorption which manifests itself in no capacity to imagine what is going on for the person with another deeply held point of view.
  • Forgetting that we are family in Christ, that we need each other and that God is the judge of us all, means that we can justify not listening and disrespecting others.
  • Hate is never a Christian virtue! People have abandoned the Gospel and Christ is said to have died in vain when we treat anyone as unloveable and an enemy to be hated.
  • Despising and dehumanizing people is to blaspheme against the Holy Spirit. Such an attitude denies the presence of the Holy Spirit in every Christian.

The reason that there can be a civil war in the church is that Christians are not being faithful to Jesus Christ.

Why does it matter if there is a civil war in the church?

Sadly too many people seem to think that if their view can be imposed on others that the witness of the church will be more effective. If only, they think, we can get rid of people who are different to us then everything will be wonderful. Examples of this being true are few and far between. And the few, like the origins of the Methodist Church and Salvation Army, who can point to new connections and growth had two things in common. They were focused on a new mission and evangelism and not on doctrinal purity, and they were thrown out – they didn’t seek rupture.

Faithfulness comes from hearing from the whole theological, cultural, liturgical, and other diversity of the church. No one part of the church has it right. We all need the breadth of the church to inform us so that we can better understand God’s will. We need historical, cultural and ecumenical input. Churches that lose diversity easily lose faithfulness.

Understanding and knowing the will of Christ for his church is a work of the whole community of faith – albeit that authority may be invested in some specific people. Together we discern Christ’s will for an issue at this time and in this place. The capacity to follow Christ is crippled and usually lost when there is civil war.

What can be done?

Everyone needs to get down on their knees and confess to God their part in the brokenness of their church. Use the list under the heading “What is going on?” as a guide for prayer. Be genuinely open to the work of the Holy Spirit and believe that Jesus can save us. Christ is God’s peace – seek God’s peace for the church.

Listen to the views of others – the deep needs, fears and hopes that they express. Ask “What do I need to take from their perspective and apply in my life?

In high conflict situations, external mediators and facilitators are needed. Contact us to discuss how conflict intervention strategies and other resources can assist you to develop practical steps that break the cycles of mistrust and abuse.

Learn about consensus-based discernment. It’s four steps build trust, openness, relationships and shared goals. Use The Church Guide For Making Decisions Together as an introduction.

It’s never too late to introduce people to better ways of being in community. When difficult issues are before us that is exactly the time to try something new!  You have choices – take them and break the cycle of destruction and pain.

Jesus is grieving for his church. Its divisions are damaging his body and undermining his saving work. Draw close to Jesus and bless him by playing your part in ending the civil war in the church.

10 Great Things About Conflict

Conflict – surely it’s not a good thing!?!

Contrary to what most people think: not all conflict is bad! Despite our tendency to want to run away from conflict when it is brewing, there are benefits to be realized by standing your ground and working through it. Congregations that avoid resolving conflict are like toddlers learning to crawl – at some point it’s much more fun to walk!

Evelyn Fisher, a Kansas clergywoman in the USA, taught me many things about dealing well with conflict in organizations. Here is a quick synopsis, in no particular order, of 10 of the benefits of conflict that I learned from Evelyn.

It helps us know others better

One of the important skills for engaging conflict well is the ability to set aside our own feelings and listen deeply to the other person. To be fully present. Whenever we able to do that well, we almost always learn something new about ourselves, other people and life’s challenges. When you short change the listening process, you rob people of the opportunity to deepen their relationships and understanding of each other.

It clears the air

There is little that is more uncomfortable in a congregation than conflict simmering just below the surface. You can feel it. Waiting almost never  makes disagreements go away. In fact, avoiding conflict can increase the pressure until there is an explosion of anger and distrust in the most inappropriate places. So don’t put off the inevitable! It is always better to address conflict before it becomes insurmountable.

It helps us know ourselves better

Addressing conflict productively requires us to examine our own heart, our own thinking, and our own feelings. All good things to do at any time in order to become self aware and mature. Conflict brings us to a place of choice. This is an excellent time to examine our values and perceptions to see if they are still relevant and meaningful.

It encourages creativity

Working through conflict requires groups to consider all the options that are available to them. Often the best solution is one that nobody thought of before. So by engaging conflict in a healthy way presents an opportunity to do your very best work as an organization. It helps you resolve a situation with strength and potential.

It frees energy

A great deal of emotional energy is consumed by keeping the lid on conflict so it doesn’t explode. When it is addressed in a timely manner energy is actually freed for more important things. Only then can you turn your sights on your very best work as a group.

It invites forgiveness

True forgiveness is a precious commodity in our world. It seems that people are growing increasingly uncivil. Working through conflict well gives us an opportunity to give and receive forgiveness. It allows us to draw closer together as a redemptive community of faith.

It develops clarity

Conflict often leads to confusion, and confusion leads to conflict. What would happen if you simply stopped avoiding the situation that is causing tension and dealt well with the conflict in your midst? What do you have to lose?

Engaging the conflict clarifies our thinking (both personally and corporately)

When faced with choices groups can come to a firm understanding about what is truly important to them. The learn why things matter to them. By working through a situation causing conflict with mutual respect, individuals and groups learn what they treasure.

It deepens relationships

We’ve talked about this before, but conflict can draw people closer together. The more we know one another and ourselves, the stronger the relationships become. If we focus on the problem and do not make people the issue, a community of faith can become stronger. Why? Because they can reaffirm the values and beliefs that formed the congregation in the first place.

It fosters humility

Sometimes we have to admit that we are wrong. It’s a good practice for Christians to apologize when they are wrong. Frankly, this seems to be a lost art in most congregations when someone can say: “I learned something I did not know and it has helped me change my mind on this matter!”

Dealing well with conflict is holy work

How we deal with conflict shows what we think about God and one another. If God is truly the perfecter and author of peace, then we should seek it with our whole being. Whenever we participate well in addressing conflict we become the peacemakers whom Jesus blessed and called his beloved.

Amen?  Amen!

Conflict is Your Friend

Conflict is your friend

How does growth happen in a person or organization? What makes learning and new insights possible? Something new shows up! When what we know is challenged by the new (conflict) we have the opportunity to grow as a person or an organization.

No one learns anything without being challenged to revisit what they already know or believe!! Into our life comes something that invites us to think of an alternative to our exisiting behaviour, knowledge, values, beliefs, etc. Two ideas trying to occupy the same space is a conflict. Conflict invites us into a new space. Therefore conflict is our friend because it makes growth possible.

Of course, we are talking about conflict that is handled well. When these contested spaces lead to unhealthy and negative reactions then harm is done. However when handled well conflict – in the sense of choices between different options – is an indispensable gift that makes imcreased maturity possible.

Healthy engagement builds trust and confidence

When people make their different points of view known they can do it in a way that is encouraging of discussion or in a way that is attacking. The latter approach generates negativity and breaks down relationships.
However when our different perspectives, knowledge and experience are shared in a humble and gentle way relationships are strengthened. By sharing important things – even different ones – people deepen their relationships.
By being able to work through our differences in ways that build up, and not pull down, we can learn to trust each other. We can believe that the other person wants the best for us and themselves. When we succeed in navigating significant differences we build confidence in our interpersonal skills and the quality of our relationships.

Relationship can be restored and strengthened

We all have times when we don’t welcome new ideas or the people who bring them! When handled badly conflict can break relationships. But what if you don’t let those bad feelings fester? Things can improve.
Don’t run away from the people with whom you have had a bad experience in conflict. If you possibly can, seek them out and try to start the conversation over. Don’t put the blame on them for the strain in the relationship. Own your part and let them decide what they will own up to. Use “I” statements so that you keep the focus on what you have seen, heard, said, felt, interpreted and done.
My experience is that when I do “the hard yards” in seeking to overcome a negative conflict then it makes the relationship better. There is something deeply satisfying and encouraging when we get over a bad experience of conflict. Such experiences give us confidence that if we can fix this then we can handle bigger issues too.

Issues are decisively resolved

One of the best things that you can do when you have a conflict is to admit that it exists. Ignoring conflicts never causes them to go away. Instead they undermine relationships and often lead to negativity.

When there are differences of opinion in a group get them out in the open. Help people to share their thoughts.  Create a safe space for talking together. Specifically invite people to share their ideas. Use processes that are respectful of all voices and give them a chance to be heard.

Once you know what the issues are then you can resolve them. A consensus building process is a great way to get all the ideas out there and to get to a resolution. No one likes problems that just keep hanging around! Name the differences, talk about them and work out a solution together.

New insights and discoveries made

Once again The Beatles got it right. They sang “Nothing you can know that isn’t known. Nothing you can see that isn’t shown.” (All You Need is Love, Yellow Submarine, 1969). Yep – we need people to share their knowledge and insights. Unless people do that then we live stunted, narrow and ineffective lives.

I can never understand churches that think they already know everything and refuse to listen to new ideas! Churches that stop hearing and engaging with new ideas will not gain new insights and discoveries. Any church that says that it has it all worked out is both arrogant and wrong. They condemn their church and members to living as stunted, narrow and ineffective disciples.

A group is energized

“Success breeds success” is an old and accurate saying. When individuals or groups get things done it encourages them to do it again. So when groups learn to cope with differences in a healthy way they are no longer worried about differences. Groups learn that new insights are creative, positive and make good decisions possible.
Groups are energised when conflict is handled well. This is in contrast with groups that are paralysed by conflict because it is such a painful experience. Give energy to your group by helping it to learn and appreciate different points of view and experiences.

People are engaged

A key reason that people behave badly in conflict situations is so that they can get their way. People frighten, bully and belittle opponents to silence them. When people are intimidated in a conflict they withdraw and stay on the sidelines. They are not engaged.

However if you create a positive culture about how to handle differences among people then everyone stays in the conversation. Then people become excited about the new possibilities, or what they are learning from others.

A powerful witness is given

Sadly we live in a world where negative conflict (combat) is the norm. Our societies are at risk of fracturing as groups move into armed camps and enclaves. Our world needs the church to witness to another way of being in community at the points of our disagreement.

The heart of the gospel is the reconcilliation of the whole of creation to God and to one another. What a wonderful hope to offer a world where the different are demonized and attacked!! Christians have an amazing opportunity to point to another way of dealing with difference. It is a way that shows respect, care and openness to the other. Sadly too many churches are caught up in the culture of our times and attack those who are different. My encouragement to you is to see the way that you handle conflict as, probably, the most evangelical act that you can engage in at this time.

Conclusion

Conflict is like fire. It is both dangerous and comforting. It is life threatening and life enriching. Like fire, handled well, conflict makes our life so much better.

8 Steps to Turn Differences into Opportunities

Differences – threat or opportunity?

Differences consume us. The media concentrates on the differences between communities. Differences are presented as reasons for fear and violence. Sadly churches have become consumed by their differences. Many members often do not recognise each other as sisters and brothers in Christ.

Turning differences into opportunities is the subtitle of a classic book by world renowned mediator Mark Gerzon. His 2006 book Leading Through Conflict: how successful leaders transform differences into opportunities remains an essential book for those who abhor conflict in the church.

Fear or Hope – what shapes your leadership?

Gerzon calls leaders out for their lack of courage and unwillingness to overcome conflict in their organizations. Effective leaders bring people together, he says. Frightened leaders or survival oriented managers (and Ministers) freeze in the headlights of conflict and betray the people and organizations that they are called to serve.

Alternatively, hope believes that a better future is possible. The Gospel is about the reign of God bringing peace and reconciliation for the whole of creation. Do Ministers / Pastors / Priests and other leaders in the church believe enough if the reconciling work of Jesus Christ to hope in the face of conflict? Is your God big enough to overcome the intractable differences in your church?

8 powerful tools

Gerzon offers eight effective tools for people who want to move from being local dictators and everyday managers to being effective mediators of peace and wholeness.

  1. Integral vision – acknowledging all sides of the conflict
  2. Systems thinking – understanding the connection between the factors that contribute to a conflict
  3. Presence – using all your emotional, spiritual, and mental resources to understand the nature of the dispute
  4. Inquiry – asking the right questions to get all the relevant information
  5. Conscious communication – making good choices about how you communicate during a conflict
  6. Dialogue – inspire people’s ability to work through the conflict
  7. Bridging – build partnerships that cross the borders that divide
  8. Innovation – foster breakthrough ideas and new options for resolving differences

Conclusion

Differences are always with us. Differences are not inherently bad. When we discover that there are differences between us and others a whole new world of possibilities opens up before us.

Navigating our differences together as a group is one of the ways that God leads the church into a more faithful place. However when differences have become personalised and deeply conflicted it is very much harder to realise those opportunities. That’s when expert guidance – and a lot of faith – come.

In later posts I will unpack more of Gerzon’s work from Leading Through Conflict or you can buy it here. I have drawn on his book The Re-United States of America in earlier posts such as Enough! It’s time to show some courage and Finding a Creative Solution to Conflict