Author: Julia Wallace

Julia is a layperson in the United Methodist Church, USA who works in Mediation and Conflict Transformation. She is co-author of the book: "The Church Guide for Making Decisions Together."

Resilience in a Congregation – 5 signs

Resilience testers for a congregation

Sooner or later all congregations experience challenges. These challenges are often caused by different factors. Whatever the cause they can test our confidence that we can deal with them wisely. Our resilience can be tested!!

Perhaps your congregation has experienced one of these difficult situations:

  • Shifting realities force a decision between 2 choices such as moving forward in a new direction for ministry or returning to the ways of the past.
  • Dealing with differing views between 2 or more strong-willed individuals that often results in an escalating conflict.
  • Having a storm or freak act of nature destroy your church building and then having to work through grief in order to rebuild.
  • Losing a beloved Pastor who has led your congregation for many years, perhaps through death or moving to a new placement.
  • Realizing that your congregation is losing members and becoming smaller each year but you don’t know what to do about it.

How these situations are handled can test the resiliency of a congregation. They are an indicator of their ability to bounce back stronger.

What is Resilience?

Resilience is the ability of an organization to overcome challenges (hard choices, trauma, tragedy, crises, or simply life’s problems), and come through them stronger, wiser, and even more powerful. The ability to bounce back and make repairs after being stretched, compressed or almost destroyed is the hallmark of a resilient group.

Indicators of Resilience

Here are 5 signs that your group is resilient. Each of these signs describes the very heart and soul of your organization. These characteristics can be developed intentionally. However, they cannot be ignored if you are serious about the wellbeing of your congregation or group.

 1.  A Clear, Compelling Vision

When a congregation knows where it is headed and what is important to their very life and mission, there is energy and purpose. A clear vision draws people together. It points to the future that God intends for them. It fosters a commitment to meet God in the days to come in fresh, renewing methods that brings life.

In my work with congregations, I am often amazed at how many do not understand what pulls them together into the next stage of their ministry. Often, these congregations rely on things that they have done in the past. It is as though the world around them has not changed.

Sadly, there are congregations out there that act as if they wake up tomorrow and it’s 1950 – they are ready to reach that world! Sounds silly, right? Yet these congregations are putting a sincere effort into reaching a world that is no longer there. Why? Because the world is changing.

A good vision is based firmly in the reality of where you are located. Your context. When was the last time you looked at the demographics of your community to understand who lives near you? Do you honestly know what the needs of those groups are? Do you offer ministries that meet those needs? Are you proactive in offering new ways to disciple children, youth and adults or stuck in the methods that have worked in the past?

I once attended a church that wanted to offer a Vacation Bible School (VBS) in the summer for children in their community. (They had not offered this program in 15 years!) I watched them plan an event from 9 a.m. to noon that would last a week. Fliers were put out in the community gathering spots to advertise the theme and times. An excellent curriculum was chosen, teachers were trained, and finally, they were ready.  Imagine how disappointed they were on the first day when only 7 children attended (and, they were grandchildren of the staff!)

What happened?

Would you believe the parents in that community worked during the day? So, they had enrolled their young children in daycare near where they were employed. In many households, both adults worked. A month after the VBS, we held a listening circle with some of these parents. There we learned that they would have attended an evening program or one held on a Saturday. Energy and resources were squandered just because they did not know who they were trying to reach! Resilience is being able to come back from that first disappointment!

2.  A Curious Sense of Humor

It’s true: a group that can laugh together has the attitude to weather all sorts of storms. Yes, life happens. People make mistakes. Yet, the power to be curious and look honestly at oneself offers a buoyancy that can help you rise above life’s challenges.

I have witnessed groups over the years get so tied up in a situation that they can not see God active in the midst of the situation. This robs them of the joy to weather life’s storms.

Having a sense of humour is not the same as laughing at everything or one another. The humour I look for in a group is the joy that explains their outlook: we’re on an adventure together seeking to follow God faithfully! There will be dips and bumps on the road but we will get through them together because we trust God.

3.  A Learning Heart

Yes, there are Pastors and Church staff out there that are well trained.  However, most of their education stopped with their ordination or initial employment.

Resilient leaders are curious to discover what works today to reach people for Christ. Therefore, they attend training, read books, or advance their continuing education with a mentor or coach. Specifically, they are able to empathize with visitors and newcomers. They can place themselves in their shoes to experience what the church feels like for others.

They assess ministry. Evaluate. Improve.

I know a Pastor who is retiring early because she no longer understands how to reach the people in her community. She truly thought that she learned everything she would ever need to know for her career at Seminary. Sadly, she stopped being curious about new methods to successfully make disciples.  For her, considering new options disrespected the past.

I get it: you may be thinking that there are tried and true ways of doing things and you simply don’t mess with these methods. Right? Wrong! We must remember that in changing environments like today, the leaders who excel are those who consider options wisely without feeling that they are disrespecting the past if they adjust.

In church seminars, I often talk about the things that endure in ministry:  our mission, values, and guiding principles/theology. These things never change – they are our backbone. Then I explain that there are also things that can change so the organization can endure with effectiveness: vision, goals and methods. These are our muscles to stretch and grow. Resilience comes from understanding what to hold on to and what to let go.

Congregations that have a curious heart for learning know how to honestly assess how well they are doing with their plans and make the necessary adjustments to stay on track. They spend time in meetings asking the vital question: did we accomplish our goals? What are we learning?

4.  A Forgiving Nature

Having the humility to acknowledge that we are only human and make mistakes is essential for resilient organizations. These groups understand that they are loved by God while acknowledging there is room for improvement.

In pastoral workshops, I often give participants a clean QTIP and tell them to “quit taking it personally” (QTIP). There are leaders who take criticism personally and beat themselves up over things that must be put in perspective. While I take ministry seriously, I stopped taking it personally a long time ago because I realized that I was not the Messiah. Further, that risen saviour reconciles me with God (warts and all).

I grow concerned when I work with a congregation that is really being rough on their leaders. Harsh words, disrespectful behaviour, and alienation reign in churches that do not show resilience. They actually foster competition for resources and demean innovation. Sound familiar?

The first step in turning this situation around is being authentic and saying: “I’m sorry” when you make a mistake. Doing this and asking for forgiveness is essential. Leaders that can do this with integrity also go one step further: they love people for who they are and not for what they can do for you. They are able to be compassionate and caring no matter what.

Do you have a forgiving nature?

5.  Living into God’s Blessings

This characteristic is simply the icing on the resilient cake. Whenever I find myself in difficult situations I count my blessings. Hopefully, this doesn’t sound corny to you. I sincerely get a piece of paper and write down all the good things that I see in the midst of crisis or challenge.

Resilient congregations frequently do an audit of their blessings in the midst of difficult situations. Therefore they list the many blessings that God has given them. It is an amazing act of faith in the midst of life’s challenges.

God embeds within each of us spiritual gifts and the fruit of the spirit that carries us through whatever we face. So, when I realize that I am blessed by God I’m able to face any situation. This carries me through difficulties with grace. I find that I often make my best choices and am even able to celebrate God’s goodness with dignity.

So it is with congregations showing resilience. They are able to take stock of the many assets that will get them beyond stressful times toward a new, brighter future.

This means that instead of trying to compete with a church down the street and copy their ministry, they discern a way to be faithful based on what they have to offer. However, resilient congregations are like treasure chests filled with God’s grace. Treasure is intended not to hoard unto themselves but to give away to a hurting world.

Be a blessing to others by generously giving of yourself to connect people to God in fresh ways (yes, even if it means to change!)

Conclusion

So, how resilient are you? After reading about the 5 factors that lead to a resilient organization, which characteristics do you practice well?  Where is there room for improvement?

At makingchurchdecisions.com we are available to coach leaders toward increasing their resilience factor.  Drop us an email and we can discuss coaching options that are affordable and accessible.

Happy Birthday Church!

Happy Birthday Church

This post was written on Pentecost Sunday in celebration of the church faithful who down through the ages has been a sign of God’s faithfulness to us when we gather as a people, called.

Think of your favorite party…

The odds are high that when you saw the heading for this post, you thought of a birthday party.  Perhaps it was a surprise party that your friends organized to let you know how special you are to them. Perhaps it was the birthday party of a family member that has had an important role in your life. Whatever the occasion, we mark the passing of our years on the annual date of our birth.  Usually, with some fanfare and gifts!

When we have parties with the family the chances are that there will be people who we like more than others. Families have differences but we make the effort to get along – especially at parties!

And, so it is with the church!

Pentecost is the liturgical day of the year when we celebrate God pouring out his spirit on the early church. Miraculously, the story recorded in Acts 2 tells of the sign of the Spirit coming upon the first disciples in a way that allowed them to share the good news of Jesus Christ in a way that all people understood for they heard it in their own language. It is the job description for the church!

Reversing the experience at the Tower of Babel, Pentecost made it possible for people to understand each other. The Holy Spirit brought people together as they listened and understood what was being said. What can we do today that will foster genuine listening rather than talking at people without understanding?

From the very beginning of the Christian church, people have responded to the gospel by allowing God to change their lives into the image of Christ (or, at least we espouse to do so). What does it mean to live in the image of Christ in our Church communities? What does it mean to truly listen and understand one another? How is the Pentecost vision shaoing the way that we talk to each other?

Our calling is to take care of one another and generously give to those in need. Teresa of Avalon once talked about this phenomenon of the church gathering for mission to remind us that we are the very arms and feet of Christ embracing the world with God’s hug. I like that image very much. Could it be possible that the way we treat other people is a sign of the way God loves us?

And yet, the Church’s story has not always been so gracious.  Recall the pain caused by the Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, persecution of the Jews, the Salem Witch Trials and today’s bashing of people based on their sexual orientation. No, these are not our finest hours.

So,  Why Bother?

Despite being imperfect and falling short of the glory of God, we continue to try and live into God’s expectations for us in this world.  We are called to be peacemakers and reconcile the world unto Christ.  How are we doing church? What processes do you use in your congregations that make peace and foster reconciliation among your members?

Recently I talked with a young adult who had decided not to attend church because the congregation he visited were a bunch of hypocrites. He believed – but he just didn’t want to belong. It has been said that a hospital is not ashamed of being full of sick people. In a similar way, why should the church be ashamed that it is full of sinners?  Indeed!

No, we are not perfect yet we serve one who is. This Christ we seek to serve can take our foibles and imperfections and transform the world. It is the only thing that ever has and the only thing that ever will!

We yearn to be all that God has in store for us knowing that Christ loves us just the way we are and calls us into more than we can ever dream of becoming. How do you show that you love people just the way that they are? Being genuinely interested in the experiences, feelings and views of the people who are different to us is a way to do this. Listening – using consensus building approaches is a Christ-like gift of respect and love.

And, if Christ loves us (warts and all), how can we do less than accept one another despite our preconceived judgments and criticisms? I was once told that God loves us just as we are, and sees us as redeemed despite ourselves. God chooses to love. Sadly, so many of our church members have preconceived ideas about other people and react to them without seeing people for who they are. Pentecost, with the gift of the Holy Spirit, is to open us up to difference and the embrace of the other.

Come, Holy Spirit!

This year has been a serious challenge to my faith in the church.  I have watched my denomination fight publically with each other in ways that made me cringe. At the heart of the debate is the full inclusion of LGBTIQ people in the life and witness of the church.

There has been deliberate manipulation, power plays, one-upmanship, and even righteousness misplaced. Distressed, I have questioned my commitment to remaining a member. Yet each time I have made the decision to leave, God has gently called me back – reminding me that I also stand in need of grace and reconciliation. And so I stay… Why?  Because God’s best hope for this world continues to be through people just like you and me.

This is why I am engaged in this ministry of consensus-based discernment – because it provides the tools we need if we are going to live as the family that God makes possible through the gift of the Holy Spirit.

So,  the next time you are tempted to give up and leave the church, take a deep breath and feel God’s love wash over you. Feel God’s love supporting you. Know that God is in control not this side or that view. Then, share that love with others as best as you can, despite how unloving this world can be. Be an instrument of God’s peace.

Come, Holy Spirit! Come!

 

 

 

“Farsighted – How to Make Decisions that Matter the Most”

Farsighted: How to Make Decisions that Matter the Most is written Steven Johnson (Riverhead, 2018). It is a must-read for church leaders who want to help their congregations make better decisions that address our usual cognitive biases and faulty intuitions.

In August, 2010 American Intelligence experts learned that an Osama bin Laden courier entered a fortified compound in the remote Pakistani city of Abbottabad.  They launched an extensive planning process that resulted on the successful May 2011 raid by US Special Forces.  What did they learn?

Johnson reminds us that thesuccess of the mission was not just due to  the soldiers who risked their lives to complete it. It also depended on the planners who had learned from previous mistakes. The key for the planners was to run a 2 phase decision-making process.

Johnson explains in Farsighted that planners first widened their thinking. They did this by defining the situation well and surfacing information. Only then did they begin considering numerous options.  This full appraisal worked because it led to them considering various alternatives. This was because they could play out different scenarios so the mission could be successful. They prepared well for any unforeseen reality.

Years of research and personal experience, have concluded that the human mind has biases. These biases lead us to misunderstand the past, misconstrue the present, and badly foresee the present. Nevertheless, there is hope.

Johnson shares practical tools that can improve our ability to make wise decisions – helping you to be farsighted.  He provides several examples of real life decisions and the deliberations that went into making them. We can learn creative steps to do the same.  This is how we become farsighted. Whatever choices your congregation faces these steps can ensure your success.

When we are faced with complex choices, we tend to frame problems too narrowly.  This results in eliminating creative solutions.  To combat this situation, Johnson outlines a process that draws from a diverse, wider group to generate options.  Most notably, he argues for including people from the ‘fringe’ of your organization and those impacted by the choices. He urges us to let them participate and offer suggestions.  Most groups usually only include their leadership base which results in fewer options that others can support.

Moreover, Johnson reminds us that a diversity of viewpoints is not enough to deal with the problems we face.  We must accumulate more than shared knowledge to consider all the viewpoints.  Most organizations, for example, never consider more than a single option or way forward.  This often leads to a gravitational pull toward how we usually frame a problem. As a result people often miss the nuances and creative discoveries that can result from scenario planning.  The “if this, then that” mentality can help us to deal with situations beyond our control and anticipate how to deal with them wisely.  Scenario planning allows you to play out how various versions of the future  may develop and to handle them well.

Did you know that most groups tend to make a decision only to be blocked later in implementing it when new factors come to light?  When you engage in scenario planning, it allows you to prepare for whatever happens next.  To be sure, this form of analysis can be overdone and paralyze a group from making any decision at all.  Yet this form of planning also allows you to make decisions that can creatively handle any situation well.

Johnson also shares tools like ‘linear value modeling.’ This helps us to make decisions that are congruent with who we are as an organization.  Looking at possible ‘bad outcomes’ helps us decide well.  Also, the skill of ‘generating all the information’ necessary to make a decision allows you to be resilient and to maturely face the consequences of your decisions.  Ultimately, surfacing information and generating options prepares people to trust their intuition and resolve issues well.

Speaking from the heart, the author concludes that we can draw from our shared stories and experience. The result is that we are not doomed to repeat previous mistakes. This proactive approach can create an unlimited sense of opportunity to face the future instead of short-changing our decision making by only doing what worked in the past.

There is also a summary and analysis of the book available here.

10 Great Things About Conflict

Conflict – surely it’s not a good thing!?!

Contrary to what most people think: not all conflict is bad! Despite our tendency to want to run away from conflict when it is brewing, there are benefits to be realized by standing your ground and working through it. Congregations that avoid resolving conflict are like toddlers learning to crawl – at some point it’s much more fun to walk!

Evelyn Fisher, a Kansas clergywoman in the USA, taught me many things about dealing well with conflict in organizations. Here is a quick synopsis, in no particular order, of 10 of the benefits of conflict that I learned from Evelyn.

It helps us know others better

One of the important skills for engaging conflict well is the ability to set aside our own feelings and listen deeply to the other person. To be fully present. Whenever we able to do that well, we almost always learn something new about ourselves, other people and life’s challenges. When you short change the listening process, you rob people of the opportunity to deepen their relationships and understanding of each other.

It clears the air

There is little that is more uncomfortable in a congregation than conflict simmering just below the surface. You can feel it. Waiting almost never  makes disagreements go away. In fact, avoiding conflict can increase the pressure until there is an explosion of anger and distrust in the most inappropriate places. So don’t put off the inevitable! It is always better to address conflict before it becomes insurmountable.

It helps us know ourselves better

Addressing conflict productively requires us to examine our own heart, our own thinking, and our own feelings. All good things to do at any time in order to become self aware and mature. Conflict brings us to a place of choice. This is an excellent time to examine our values and perceptions to see if they are still relevant and meaningful.

It encourages creativity

Working through conflict requires groups to consider all the options that are available to them. Often the best solution is one that nobody thought of before. So by engaging conflict in a healthy way presents an opportunity to do your very best work as an organization. It helps you resolve a situation with strength and potential.

It frees energy

A great deal of emotional energy is consumed by keeping the lid on conflict so it doesn’t explode. When it is addressed in a timely manner energy is actually freed for more important things. Only then can you turn your sights on your very best work as a group.

It invites forgiveness

True forgiveness is a precious commodity in our world. It seems that people are growing increasingly uncivil. Working through conflict well gives us an opportunity to give and receive forgiveness. It allows us to draw closer together as a redemptive community of faith.

It develops clarity

Conflict often leads to confusion, and confusion leads to conflict. What would happen if you simply stopped avoiding the situation that is causing tension and dealt well with the conflict in your midst? What do you have to lose?

Engaging the conflict clarifies our thinking (both personally and corporately)

When faced with choices groups can come to a firm understanding about what is truly important to them. The learn why things matter to them. By working through a situation causing conflict with mutual respect, individuals and groups learn what they treasure.

It deepens relationships

We’ve talked about this before, but conflict can draw people closer together. The more we know one another and ourselves, the stronger the relationships become. If we focus on the problem and do not make people the issue, a community of faith can become stronger. Why? Because they can reaffirm the values and beliefs that formed the congregation in the first place.

It fosters humility

Sometimes we have to admit that we are wrong. It’s a good practice for Christians to apologize when they are wrong. Frankly, this seems to be a lost art in most congregations when someone can say: “I learned something I did not know and it has helped me change my mind on this matter!”

Dealing well with conflict is holy work

How we deal with conflict shows what we think about God and one another. If God is truly the perfecter and author of peace, then we should seek it with our whole being. Whenever we participate well in addressing conflict we become the peacemakers whom Jesus blessed and called his beloved.

Amen?  Amen!

12 ways to break an impasse in your group

What’s an Impasse?

 

An impasse can prevent your leaders from making an important decision in a timely way. Therefore being frozen – stuck in an impasse – can be detrimental to the very future of your organization.

In preparation for discerning the matter, presentations have been made outlining the situation and proposing a specific direction forward. Just when you think your organization is ready to decide the issue, the unfortunate occurs:  an impasse is reached. Another option has gathered support and the group is now split between the choices.  We call this situation an impasse.

An impasse is when there are two or more choices on the table and people are unable to choose one.  Yogi Bera once said when you come to a fork in the road:  take it.  This is disastrous advice!

Impasses can paralyze a group and prevent them from making decisions in a timely manner.  Sometimes this happens because two different options seem equally good.  An impasse may also occur because people have lobbied for support outside the meeting and people feel a sense of loyalty to key leaders and their ideas.  Miscommunication can also result in an impasse. When people are stuck and unable to embrace change, an impasse seems like standing still in a fork in the road.

Nevertheless, a decision is not going to be made unless you deal with the issues and feelings causing the impasse.

Basic Steps Forward

Here is a list of specific things that you can do to help your group move beyond an impasse to make a good decision.  Consider these steps the next time you find yourself in your organizational “fork in the road”:

  1. Break the key issue down into smaller parts. Flag the most difficult matters and reserve them for later.
  2. Ask the parties to share why a specific alternative is unacceptable to them.  Draw the conversation to the big picture – the goals and away from the detail – strategy / methods. Then, ask people what they like about an idea before them.
  3. Look for creative options that may arise. When people focus on a goal they can see many ways to achieve them. Creative ideas come from looking first at the main goal.
  4. Listen carefully for assumptions not based on fact and point them out.
  5. Once ideas and accurate information are out in the open be prepared to take a break. Ask the parties to use the break to think about the various alternatives presented.
  6. Reconvene and review the parties’ priorities and common interests. List them on newsprint for the group to refer to as they make their final decision.
  7. Recognising common ground really helps bring people together when they might otherwise see each other as opponents.
  8. Encourage the parties to recognize and acknowledge each other’s points of view.
  9. Ask the parties for their help to move forward. What would make it possible for them to make a decision? What are they willing to give up for the good of the entire community?  Look at the impact of various solutions on all involved.
  10. Ask the parties to indicate what would change or happen if they reached a solution.  This is an opportunity for people to share their feelings.  Make sure this is a safe experience. Encourage people to use “I” statements and be respectful.
  11. In serious stalemates, offer the parties mediation, as opposed to letting the conflict fester and grow.  Use a trained facilitator.  Help people to not take the matter personally.
  12. Choose a way forward.  Be sure to thank people for their hard work and diligence.  Let them know that they have modeled the very best witness to others in facing their differences.

What to do when you break an impasse?

Remember that there are people who are affected by the decision that did not make it. So make sure that you promptly, clearly and pastorally communicate the decision to the wider community. Be quick and try to keep ahead of the rumour mill!

Not everyone who was stuck in the impasse has had the benefit of the process that made it possible for others to move. Think about how it is possible to share that journey with others. This can make  it possible for them to take the emotional and intellectual steps through the impasse.

Celebrate. People have worked hard, respected their community and sought to be faithful. Give thanks.

Conclusion

An impasse does not have to divide your faith community!  With proper leadership and a clear process, it can be a situation that reminds your group of their values and help them reclaim them. Groups can emerge from an impasse stronger and in the future be better equiped to make good decisions in a timely manner.