Author: Julia Wallace

Julia is a layperson in the United Methodist Church, USA who works in Mediation and Conflict Transformation. She is co-author of the book: "The Church Guide for Making Decisions Together."

WMC Leaders Discuss Consensus

WMC leaders have been learning about consensus. What does consensus mean to cross-cultural leaders?  Terence Corkin and I offered a training session and experience of consensus decision-making at the recent World Methodist Council (WMC) in Seoul, South Korea.

This organization brings together church leaders from around the world that share a Methodist heritage.  Its Executive team (the Steering Committee) wanted to explore a more respectful method of making decisions than Robert’s Rules of Order because. The last Council meeting in Houston showed that there was room for improvement. Like most organizations considering the shift to consensus, they decided to introduce the process to members of the Council at their meeting to get their support.

I interviewed 2 delegates to get their perspective on the process.  Here are their observations on consensus:

Edgar De Jesus, USA

Edgar is from the Philipines and is currently the Pastor of Davis Street United Methodist Church in Burlington, North Carolina.  This congregation is becoming a cross-cultural fellowship. They host a successful feeding ministry every Sunday morning for the poor and marginalized.

On Using Consensus

“Consensus is a timely, respectful process of making decisions that is truly needed in today’s world.”

“It’s not a methodology – it is an invitation to join with God’s Spirit at work in the world.  It is a way of seeing things from a Kingdom perspective or what matters to God. Further, it goes back to our understanding of who we are as a church. Jesus modeled consensus (it’s part of our Christology). He engaged people through conversation around the issues they cared about with mutuality and respect.”

Today, the church continues to be a gathered community that seeks to deliberate and resolve issues in a respectful, creative manner. “Consensus attacks implicit bias, domination and manipulation of people. Our decision-making process should be counter-cultural and model a Christ-like way of working together. You can debate elsewhere – the church must discern the will of God and call upon the Christian community gathered to model a better way.”

Rev De Jesus continues, “consensus is not an end in itself – it’ a beginning.  We acknowledge that we can see Jesus in one another as we talk about the issues we care deeply about discussing. We believe that we are in this together so it helps me have a different take than ‘Robert’s Rules’ to make decisions with each other.”

Edgar believes that the best decisions are made in community after respectful listening and deliberation. “Using a consensus process to discern God’s will disrupts the status quo” he explains. “It turns things upside down so assumptions are brought into the light for examination.” Further, it levels the playing field to allow full participation of everyone – not just the powerful majority. “When this occurs, we make good decisions.”

On Organizations Making the Shift to Use Consensus

Rev. De Jesus believes that “receiving training and experiencing the process is very helpful. For the WMC, it’s a great start, but just as important is using the model in the future.  My hope is that it does not just stay at the top level of the organization but filters through other committees and plenary sessions to engage all of us as we minister in the world. Birthing this process at the WMC is an important step for this organization.”

Edgar believes that it is also vital to bring a consensus discernment process back to our local contexts and communities as an alternative model.

Amelia Meli Koh-Butler

Amelia is a minister in the Uniting Church in Australia. She is an expert in cross-cultural ministry who has held positions in the Synod of South Australia and the National Assembly.  Currently, Amelia is a University Chaplain.

On Why Consensus Matters

“My generation would rather leave an organization or not participate in Robert’s Rules of Order.  It breaks Christian community.”

Cross-Cultural People and Consensus

She shared the connection between consensus and the use of the Samoan Fine Mat. In this practice, “if you have offended someone, you go their house and sit outside under a grass mat spending time reflecting on what you have done to the other that has upset them and how you can restore the relationship.”

Being under the mat opens you to the Spirit. Under the mat, there is a sense of brokeness. We sit; we wait. This time continues until the other person or family comes out and lifts the mat off of you to restore your relationship once again. The truth is: we all long for restoration –  it is by mercy and grace that we are restored. “The grass mat is also a symbolic place where we sit around together to make conversation and connections that reach consensus. It is a practice of waiting on the wisdom of others to reach a good decision. “You must give up your individualism, says Amelia, for the sake of community.”

“In some parts of the world, we hear the words: “I want or I need…”  In Australia, we use the words:  “We hope… or we yearn…” Consensus places the value on what is best for everyone and is entered into with prayerful humility and patience. “It is more vested in the future than in the past.”

Amelia recognizes the many individuals who have held a safe space for her to be part of the Christian community and invite her to use her gifts and talents. She affirms the decision of the WMC Steering Committee to try a consensus model in its business deliberations. “It is a wonderful way to provide a respectful space for all people to participate and reach a decision.”  She observed that women and minorities tend to participate more in groups that use consensus to reach decisions rather than in those that use parliamentary procedures.

Lessons Learned by the WMC

People of various cultural backgrounds appreciate using consensus in groups. In fact, they prefer it as a method to make decisions in faith communities. They find it practical, respectful, and theologically relevant as a way to determine God’s will.

Read here what five other members of the WMC thought about  the consensus process training in Seoul.

Simple Steps to Break an Impasse

Have you ever been in the midst of making a decision and got stuck rather than moved forward? Often parties can discover a creative resolution to a problem by themselves. Sometimes, they reach an impasse where they cannot agree together on what to do.  A mediator or a neutral 3rd party can intervene and help to break the impasse.

Here are a few interventions which can break through an impasse

  •  Agree to stay in the process until a just resolution is found
  • Break the issue down into smaller parts and deal with the easiest first
  • Identify the goal (what do you both want to accomplish).
  • Consult an expert to supply needed facts or advice
  • Review the parties’ priorities and name common interests
  • Meet with the parties separately to explore a willingness to compromise
  • Try to get people to express what they originally expected the solution to be
  • Encourage people to acknowledge the other’s point of view and best hopes
  • Ensure the people want to end the conflict and ask for their help
  • Ask the parties to describe what the ideal solution would look like
  • As you and the others share what is important to you, you should be able to start identifying common areas and action steps
  • Focus on how the solution would affect an involved third party
  • Compliment the parties for reaching earlier points of agreement and est their willingness to compromise
  • Name the consequences of not working together
  •  Wisely use silence and questions about feelings
  • Look for points of agreement or mutual needs. Respect is something both parties usually want and is a good place to start if you are both stuck.
  • State what both parties have to lose
  • Identify the real problem or issue. Uncover the “real” issues or needs.
  • Meet in a relaxed environment with refreshments
  •  Ask open-ended questions. “How can we resolve this?”
  • Call a timeout and give a homework assignment for them to complete
  • Brainstorm options and tell them which alternative is closest to their need
  • Pray (not Prey) for each other
  • Avoid using words like, “ought” or “should.” Those are blaming words and make people defensive.
  • Look at examples of how others in a similar situation have reached a resolution
  • Work with one of the parties to break the impasse while in the company of the other

What other techniques would you add to the list?

Working through an impasse well is possible. Often, people will follow your leadership in reaching a creative solution to the challenges they face if they know that you have their best interest at heart.

How deep is your root system?

A good root system – the key to health!

The largest living organism in the world is a quaking aspen tree known as the “Trembling Giant”. This single tree has over 47,000 stems, covers 106 acres, is 80,000 years old and weighs 13 million pounds. Impressive, eh?How has this tree survived through drought, forest fires, and pests over its long life span? It has an extensive root system that nourishes and protects the plant. Churches can also be fragile or resilient. It all depends on how strong  their root system is.

Take this short quiz to learn how firm your church’s foundation really is. Below are four qualities of a strong root system (Values, Behavior, Means of Grace, and Mission). These things are enduring. Circle the number beside each heading: 5 is high; 1 is low.

Values      1      2      3      4      5

Values are the qualities that guide your actions. It’s what sets you apart as a congregation. Usually, it’s how members describe their church. “We are a loving church”, or “We care about social justice”. You can also assess your values by how you spend money and what you plan ministry around.

Churches that have deeply held values live out of those convictions. They nourish your organization like strong roots. It is vital that members know what they are. They are in the songs we sing and the prayers we pray.

Behavior  1      2      3      4      5

Actions speak louder than words. When people treat each other with love and respect it’s noticeable. Congregations that take this seriously have a written Behavioral Covenant or Guideline. It is designed and signed by members as a way of being accountable to each other and working out differences. This Covenant is displayed where members can see it and consult it regularly. Some of the items on this guideline may include listening respectfully, being compassionate to others, etc. Healthy ways of relating to one another resemble deeply woven roots.

Means of Grace    1      2      3      4      5

John Wesley talked about God’s grace and how it strengths our faith walk.  He said that there are 2 ‘Means of Grace’: Acts of Vital Piety (worship, prayer, singing hymns, sacraments, Christian conferencing), and Acts of Compassion and Mercy (Matthew 25 ministries of meeting the real-life needs of others and working for the common good). When these practices are taken seriously they become the lifeline of life together in a congregation just as good roots make for a healthy plant. They are the basis of ministry. Primetime, not pass time, activity.

Mission      1      2      3      4     5

When we are clear about our purpose, people make good decisions and align their life together to be successful at reaching it. Congregations that have worked out their purpose statement know why they exist and prioritize activities to move them closer to this goal. A mission statement should be a brief (no more than 12 words) description of who you are. Members should have it memorized and use it to evaluate how well they are doing as a church.

How did you do?

Add up your scores and compare it to the numbers below:

15 – 20          Well done!

9  – 14           Not bad!

Under 9       Room for improvement!

As you review your responses:

A.  What area does your congregation do well?

B.   What area can it do better?

C.  Name a specific way you can boost your congregation’s root system.

 

 

 

Conflict: Healthy or Unhealthy?

If you have ever been in the middle of a church fight, you know that it is important to know the difference between healthy and unhealthy conflict. When you recognize how a congregation approaches disagreements it becomes easier to work toward a just resolution. Additionally, it also sets the pattern for addressing issues in a timely manner before they get out of control.

In his book: Leading Change in the Congregation: Spiritual and Organizational Tools for Leaders (Alban, 1998), Gil Rendle, an American Church Consultant, points out the differences between healthy and unhealthy conflict.

Healthy Conflict

Yes, there is such a thing as healthy conflict! Congregations that have a positive attitude about disagreement understand that conflict is inevitable. They know that it provides a chance to grow stronger. Here are 8 signs that a conflict is being handled well.

  • Disputants do not take conflict personally. Instead,  they are able to separate people from the problem.
  • People talk directly with one another and so there is a free flow of information available to everyone.
  • People see themselves as members of the same team and are willing to work on a mutually agreeable solution to an issue.
  • When disagreeing people are more likely to address the situation at hand without bringing up past hurts.
  • There is a give and take in the spirit of cooperation that makes the exchange of ideas possible.
  • You notice that people practice careful listening and reply with well thought out statements.
  • Moreover, people understand that there is a problem that needs to be settled now rather than later.
  • Finally, all parties give the matter the time that it needs to be resolved in a just manner, because they see the process as a journey to come through together.

Unhealthy Conflict

Unfortunately, most of us have encountered unhealthy conflict. Sometimes, there is an attitude that conflict is bad or sinful. So the situation is often ignored which means that it escalates until it erupts. Here are 7 signs that a conflict is not being handled well.

  • Disputants are unable to separate people from the problem and assume that if they get rid of members, the problem will go away.
  • Communication is indirect: rather than talk with one another – they talk about one another.
  • Triangulation reigns and third parties carry messages for others.
  • Sadly, the list of wrongs is long (and growing) as people remember what has been done to them and their friends in the past.
  • The situation is explosive. I can not say or do something without you quickly firing off an email (and sending it to as many people as possible).
  • People tend to deny the real problem and what is going on.
  • There is a strong sense of urgency to solve the problem too quickly and avoid the pain of conflict by saying: “Let’s just get it over with!”

Strategies to maintain Healthy Conflict

First, acknowledge that there is a challenge ahead or an issue to resolve.  Then give as much information about the issue as you can in as many methods that you can. Prepare people for difficult conversations when things are calm by providing training on good communication skills. Train people and practice using “I” statements, paraphrasing and good listening.

Practice the means of grace together:  worship, study scripture, pray, sing hymns, etc. Reward good behavior by pointing it out when you see it. Use a consensus-based decision-making process like the one in our book: The Church Guide for Making Decisions Together.  Establish a Behavioral Covenant to guide how members relate to each other. Celebrate when a difficult decision has been made and evaluate your experience.

With these tips you can shift the type of conflict you experience to a healthier one!

 

 

 

 

5 Vowels for a Positive Group Life Experience

Group life is amazing!!! It can be so enriching. Group life can also be so painful. Everyone who has ever been a part of a small group knows that the experience can be either good or bad. When it is good – people thrive and ideas flourish. When it is bad people compete with one another and strive to win. Having a good group life just might come down to 5 vowels.

Group life – how many trees?

The largest living organism on the planet is found in Utah in the United States of America. The ‘Trembling Giant’ is actually one tree with 47,000 stems and one root system. It’s definitely a case of you can’t see the forest for the tree! What this plant teaches us is the importance of recognizing our roots. It’s the same with group life.

Use your 5 vowels

Good Group life comes down to honoring the basics. Review this list of 5 vowels to see if your group life is healthy:

A = Ask and answer questions graciously. Stay focused on the matter before you by asking questions that get to the other person’s feelings and best hopes rather questions that limit replies to a ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Help your group complete its task by staying on point. Try not to be a group hog by dominating the conversation. Be curious about what others think and value.

E = Explore together where God may be leading. Use a process that prompts people to move toward consensus whenever possible. Discuss the matter before you with integrity. Consider options carefully. Remember: you can only speak for yourself – encourage others to do the same. When you get stuck: stop and pray.

I = Inspire – Be God’s cheerleader and remain upbeat. This is done by encouraging people to be the best that they can be! So, use good communication tools such as using “I” statements to take responsibility for yourself and encourage others to do the same. Whenever possible, paraphrase what the other person has just said before responding to ensure that you heard them correctly. Words matter. Make your group a safe place for honesty.  Be transparent.

O = Observe the feelings and thoughts of others and yearn for their peace and well-being. Feelings are harder to express than opinions and thoughts. Yet, when people share their feelings they also let you know what is important to them and what values they consider as they make decisions. Monitor your feelings carefully. Respect one another.

U = seek to understand one another. The odds are high that whenever you sit in a group for discussion or decision, you may be seated with someone that holds a different view just as precious as the one you hold. Your group is not a place to convince or lobby. The most powerful words we can say to one another is “I’m interested in what you have to say.  Please, tell me more…”

Trust me – You’ve got this!

Remember these 5 vowels the next time you find yourself in a group discussion to have a positive group experience.  Create a checklist to remember good group etiquette.

A = Ask

E = Explore together where God may be leading

I = Inspire

O = Observe the feelings and thoughts of others

U = understand

A final prayer

St Benedict summed up group life well when he wrote this prayer:

Gracious and Holy Father 

give us wisdom to recognize you

intelligence to understand you

diligence to seek you

patience to wait for you

eyes to see you

a heart to meditate on you

and a life to proclaim you,

through the power of the Risen Lord. 

Amen