Tag: foundations

Conflict is Your Friend

Conflict is your friend

How does growth happen in a person or organization? What makes learning and new insights possible? Something new shows up! When what we know is challenged by the new (conflict) we have the opportunity to grow as a person or an organization.

No one learns anything without being challenged to revisit what they already know or believe!! Into our life comes something that invites us to think of an alternative to our exisiting behaviour, knowledge, values, beliefs, etc. Two ideas trying to occupy the same space is a conflict. Conflict invites us into a new space. Therefore conflict is our friend because it makes growth possible.

Of course, we are talking about conflict that is handled well. When these contested spaces lead to unhealthy and negative reactions then harm is done. However when handled well conflict – in the sense of choices between different options – is an indispensable gift that makes imcreased maturity possible.

Healthy engagement builds trust and confidence

When people make their different points of view known they can do it in a way that is encouraging of discussion or in a way that is attacking. The latter approach generates negativity and breaks down relationships.
However when our different perspectives, knowledge and experience are shared in a humble and gentle way relationships are strengthened. By sharing important things – even different ones – people deepen their relationships.
By being able to work through our differences in ways that build up, and not pull down, we can learn to trust each other. We can believe that the other person wants the best for us and themselves. When we succeed in navigating significant differences we build confidence in our interpersonal skills and the quality of our relationships.

Relationship can be restored and strengthened

We all have times when we don’t welcome new ideas or the people who bring them! When handled badly conflict can break relationships. But what if you don’t let those bad feelings fester? Things can improve.
Don’t run away from the people with whom you have had a bad experience in conflict. If you possibly can, seek them out and try to start the conversation over. Don’t put the blame on them for the strain in the relationship. Own your part and let them decide what they will own up to. Use “I” statements so that you keep the focus on what you have seen, heard, said, felt, interpreted and done.
My experience is that when I do “the hard yards” in seeking to overcome a negative conflict then it makes the relationship better. There is something deeply satisfying and encouraging when we get over a bad experience of conflict. Such experiences give us confidence that if we can fix this then we can handle bigger issues too.

Issues are decisively resolved

One of the best things that you can do when you have a conflict is to admit that it exists. Ignoring conflicts never causes them to go away. Instead they undermine relationships and often lead to negativity.

When there are differences of opinion in a group get them out in the open. Help people to share their thoughts.  Create a safe space for talking together. Specifically invite people to share their ideas. Use processes that are respectful of all voices and give them a chance to be heard.

Once you know what the issues are then you can resolve them. A consensus building process is a great way to get all the ideas out there and to get to a resolution. No one likes problems that just keep hanging around! Name the differences, talk about them and work out a solution together.

New insights and discoveries made

Once again The Beatles got it right. They sang “Nothing you can know that isn’t known. Nothing you can see that isn’t shown.” (All You Need is Love, Yellow Submarine, 1969). Yep – we need people to share their knowledge and insights. Unless people do that then we live stunted, narrow and ineffective lives.

I can never understand churches that think they already know everything and refuse to listen to new ideas! Churches that stop hearing and engaging with new ideas will not gain new insights and discoveries. Any church that says that it has it all worked out is both arrogant and wrong. They condemn their church and members to living as stunted, narrow and ineffective disciples.

A group is energized

“Success breeds success” is an old and accurate saying. When individuals or groups get things done it encourages them to do it again. So when groups learn to cope with differences in a healthy way they are no longer worried about differences. Groups learn that new insights are creative, positive and make good decisions possible.
Groups are energised when conflict is handled well. This is in contrast with groups that are paralysed by conflict because it is such a painful experience. Give energy to your group by helping it to learn and appreciate different points of view and experiences.

People are engaged

A key reason that people behave badly in conflict situations is so that they can get their way. People frighten, bully and belittle opponents to silence them. When people are intimidated in a conflict they withdraw and stay on the sidelines. They are not engaged.

However if you create a positive culture about how to handle differences among people then everyone stays in the conversation. Then people become excited about the new possibilities, or what they are learning from others.

A powerful witness is given

Sadly we live in a world where negative conflict (combat) is the norm. Our societies are at risk of fracturing as groups move into armed camps and enclaves. Our world needs the church to witness to another way of being in community at the points of our disagreement.

The heart of the gospel is the reconcilliation of the whole of creation to God and to one another. What a wonderful hope to offer a world where the different are demonized and attacked!! Christians have an amazing opportunity to point to another way of dealing with difference. It is a way that shows respect, care and openness to the other. Sadly too many churches are caught up in the culture of our times and attack those who are different. My encouragement to you is to see the way that you handle conflict as, probably, the most evangelical act that you can engage in at this time.

Conclusion

Conflict is like fire. It is both dangerous and comforting. It is life threatening and life enriching. Like fire, handled well, conflict makes our life so much better.

7 things that help meetings work well

Meetings need more than luck

If you want to get good decisions then you can’t just wing it. Preparation is critical. Planning for a meeting also means getting your mindset right. So think about how to embed high quality values into your meetings. Also think about the behviors that express these high quality values.

In this post you are invited to think about 7 values or commitments that help a meeting to work well. Then put in place practices that support those values.

How to use this worksheet

In the first column is a practice that will help your meetings work better. In the second column is an example, or two, of specific things that you can encourage in your people and meeting practices that bring that value to life.

In the third column you can write “yes” or “no” to indicate if you  encourage or do these things in your meetings. If you answer “no” then in the fourth column make a note of what you can do to support these actions / practices in your meetings.

Mettings Best Practice Worksheet

Best Practice Actions in support Yes/No What to do better
Address issues in a transparent and direct manner

 

 Invite people to talk about feelings and hopes

 

    
Focus on interests not positions  Ask what is really important    
Generate options for mutual gain Work for a win-win approach

Let people talk Think of ideas that benefit both

    
 Assure fair process Make sure everyone knows the rules    
Practice direct communication Talk with others, not about them

Use “I” & not “you” statements

Talk about feelings and what’s important to you

    
 Take a break If you get stuck put the business aside for a while

If emotions rise pause for prayer

    
 Work at relationships Apologize

Forgive

Try hard to understand the other’s point of view

    

Conclusion

Your attitude as a leader or group member is  essential for the success of your meetings. I encourage you to grow in your sensitivity to what makes for healthy meetings. This checklist (and I’m sure you can add more values) is one way to do this. When you have done the worksheet include it as part of your Council or Committee’s anual assessment of its performance as a decision-making group.

 

9 reasons you may struggle to bring change – and what to do about it! (Pt 1)

When groups first try a consensus approach to discernment they can come up against obstacles. Today I start to look at 8 struggles that prevent consensus decision-making from being effective. Better still I offer responses to each of them!

Other common resistance points are covered in Chapter 6 of The Church Guide For Making Decisions Together  “Yes ….but …. Addressing Resistance”.

1. Tradition. “We’ve always done it this way. Why change?”

This is a very common explanation for why people don’t embrace change. People know what they like and they like what they know. Yet most people don’t usually put it as bluntly as saying “we’ve always done it this way.”

What we usually see is an inbuilt inertia in groups that make any change difficult. The tracks have been laid down over time and that’s the way things run. So the key to maximizing the chance of change is to explore where these tracks are taking you, or discuss the way decisions are made in other contexts, or introduce key elements of a consensus approach into the established processes.

Identify negative outcomes of current processes

For example, bad feelings after meetings, poor decisions, lack of buy-in, exclusion of some people/perspectives, etc. Use an annual review of the performance of your Board, Committee, Congregation, etc as a context in which to raise a discussion on whether your current approach is working for you. This may start a helpful discussion on what needs to change.

Explore alternatives from other contexts

I wonder if the people who resist consensus in meetings use the same methods/processes to make decisions in families, as a couple, or in business negotiations. Certainly, the western parliamentary approach is in sharp contrast to the way in which other cultures have traditionally made decisions. The issue here is “Whose tradition are we talking about?” It is only one tradition and it is a very narrowly applied practice.

There are many opportunities for continuing education for Boards, Committees and church members in general. Create a learning event where alternative ways of making decisions are explored. Perhaps it could be in the framework of understanding how a different cultural group makes decisions, or a workshop on how to engage in dialogue with family members, or invite a local community action group to talk about their work and how they get to agreements and commitment. Often these groups use consensus decision-making because they cannot force volunteers to do anything that they don’t want to do. The focus doesn’t even have to be on church meeting procedures! You can extrapolate later from the learning into that discussion.

Introduce consensus processes into your current meetings

Consensus building values and techniques can be present in a parliamentary style of meeting. As an add-on they will not change a culture but they can provide a taster of what is possible when change is made. Examples of things that a Chairperson can do include: make sure that everyone understands the issues before starting the debate; include more prayer and spiritual disciplines in the meeting; create spaces where alternative voices can be heard; don’t rush to a vote just because it looks like there is a clear majority; and more. Chairpersons should lead into an alternative experience of Christian community around decision-making. Change can be gradual and incremental – until there is ownership of the decision to make real change.

2. Some people need to “win”

Winning is “fun”. It’s natural that when people value a position that they want to see it happen. I’m sure we have all been in that situation. However what is embedded in this comment is insidious. There are people who actively resist and undermine a move to consensus because they know how to get their way under the current rules. Getting their way has become the prime goal and they do not want to empower others to have a chance of changing the outcomes. They want to keep control.

I have met people like this in local and international meetings. It is both sad, disappointing and serious. Changes in the power balance affect who has influence. Some people get this and try to keep ahead of the curve by shutting down the chance for change. There are solutions but they need to be tailored to your context. If this is your situation maybe you need a coach to help you work it through.

However, in addition to handling the pushback from cynical and frightened power brokers, there are conversations that can be fostered. Even people who like to get their preferred decision in a church meeting are willing to count the cost. Very few people embrace a pyrrhic victory.

I am sure that you have seen many examples of where the “win” that was achieved came at a high price. It could be as serious as people leaving the church, a significant drop in income, loss of morale, the development of factions, or loss of support for a pastor. The losses might be more subtle: the person who stops volunteering, loss of a skilled person on the church Board, people don’t turn up to congregational meetings because of the atmosphere, a negative vibe develops in the congregation, etc.

Maybe the people who think they are winning are not winning at all. Develop a case study on how the handling of a decision led to negative consequences for a congregation or group. It doesn’t have to be from your congregation but if there is a recent example I encourage you to be brave enough to name it. Focus particularly on developing a “ledger” of wins on one side and losses on the other side. Get people to put a value (not all will be a $ value) on the “entries” on each side of the ledger. The lesson that people are encouraged to learn is to be aware of the consequences of their actions and to not just focus on the task of “getting the decision I want”.

A great follow up – maybe at the next meeting – is to explore “What could we have done differently that would have avoided or reduced these costs?” That’s where your knowledge of the whole range of consensus-based discernment tools will allow you to shine. The most comprehensive collection of resources for this is in our book The Church Guide For Making Decisions Together 

3. We don’t need cards because everyone here is able to speak up.

This is quite a common perception. The orange and blue cards are a very important part of the Uniting Church in Australia’s consensus process. They are also used in the World Council of Churches, the World Communion of Reformed Churches and other places. They are also often seriously misunderstood.

The idea in this resistance point is that the cards are the way to get attention so that you can get the floor. So if you believe that everyone is able to contribute due to the healthy culture and processes of the meeting then it seems like you don’t need cards. The cards are more than the equivalent of lining up at the microphone to get the Chairperson’s attention. But let’s start the conversation on the terms that it is offered.

In my experience, such a statement is very rarely accurate. There are always people who remain silent. They do so for many reasons. It is not just because they cannot get the attention of the Chair.

As a test for this hypothesis have a person quietly keep tabs on the names of who speaks, the frequency and time taken by various speakers over a few meetings.  Report on the results.  This could make for an interesting conversation.

However, the cards serve a much richer purpose than indicating a desire to speak. Members are to show a card whenever a person makes a contribution. If they are warm to a comment then they display the orange card. If they are cool to the idea or not persuaded by it they show blue. This process encourages active listening. Also, it allows every person to indicate their perspective – without the need for speaking. In fact, the opposite of the opening statement is true. You actually need the cards so that everyone can contribute!

4. Power imbalances

Power is real and some people have it in groups and others do not. When power is used to limit the participation of all people then consensus discernment will struggle. Not all power is malicious or used deliberately to put people down. Although sometimes it is.

For example:

  • Some lay people don’t think they should argue with Ministers
  • In some cultures women or young people don’t value their voice
  • Patriarchy exists in a lot of churches and oppresses women
  • Language and education can give more power to some participants
  • Knowledge is power – who understands the business or process best?
  • What other examples can you add?
Plan to deal with power

You are very wise not to underestimate the importance of power dynamics. So once you have taken it seriously it’s important to do strategic thinking ahead of time on how to address power imbalances.

There are a number of strategies available in addition to a well led use of consensus processes. Consensus processes make it possible to address power imbalances but they have to be used very well to do so.

Preparation includes thinking about the power imbalances and what strategies can be put in place to limit their power. Examples include: deciding when translation is required; how to ensure everyone has the same information; when small group discussions (maybe in cultural, gender or age groups) can help people to find their voice that can then be fed back into the larger group. As you prepare for your meeting list the power dynamics and line up alongside them the tools that help to overcome them.

Also the leaders must model alternative ways of being in community. They  must demonstrate and support a culture of collaboration and equality.

Conclusion

I encourage you to respond to pushback in a way that is respectful and consistent with the values of consensus discernment. Ask questions so that you understand what they are saying. Probe for what is behind the comments. Assume goodwill until there is a good reason to do otherwise. Strengthen your fellowship in the face of difference.

Once you understand the issue before you there are simple and practical things that you can do that make a constructive response. Don’t argue but rather invite exploration through the types of processes offered in this article.

Change is possible! Next week I’ll look at some other things that may cause consensus to struggle.

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1000 people tried consensus – how did it go?

WCRC General Council Logo 2017

The World Communion of Reformed Churches took a huge risk by using consensus as their way of discernment and decision-making. Around a 1,000 people met as the General Council in Leipzig June / July 2017 and consensus was new to the vast majority. How did it go?

What the Participants said

Martin Engles

Amy Eckert wrote a comprehensive article on the process, its goals and values. In it she interviewed a number of participants. Here are some of their observations.

Within the small groups the real work of discernment takes place. “Discernment truly is more about listening than speaking,” said Gradye Parsons. “It is important to listen to what others are saying. It is important to listen to what God is saying. And it’s important to consider your own thoughts with regard to the issue and in light of what you have heard.”

Rev. Lucy Wambui Waweru, minister of the Presbyterian Church of East Africa serving the Nyeri Church in central Kenya, values very much the input that ordinary delegates have on the process within the small groups.

“Discernment Groups include voices from around the world,” she said. “The groups also have a mix of older, more seasoned ecumenists as well as younger delegates. And every voice is heard.”

What is different?

Rev. Annedore Held Venhaus, minister in the Evangelical La Plata Church in Tres Arroyos, Argentina, really likes the notion of the colored cards. “I like how the cards express a feeling, not a decision,” she said. “I feel warm to this idea, I feel cool to it. I found that very interesting.”

“Just because I raise my orange card doesn’t mean I know that my home church will accept the proposal,” she said, “and it doesn’t mean I know how my home church will implement it. My orange card only means that I believe God is calling us to journey in this direction. It’s all about a willingness to begin a process.”

Rev. Annedore Held Venhaus, minister in the Evangelical La Plata Church in Tres Arroyos, Argentina, really likes the notion of the colored cards. “I like how the cards express a feeling, not a decision,” she said. “I feel warm to this idea, I feel cool to it. I found that very interesting.”

Waweru agreed. She also appreciated that giving consensus did not mean that a delegate was 100% supportive or opposed to a proposal. Nor did it mean that the delegate envisioned a clear path toward adoption of the new proposal.

“Just because I raise my orange card doesn’t mean I know that my home church will accept the proposal,” she said, “and it doesn’t mean I know how my home church will implement it. My orange card only means that I believe God is calling us to journey in this direction. It’s all about a willingness to begin a process.”

If you were at the General Council of WCRC we would love to hear your comments. Also any questions are very welcome.

You can read the whole article on the WCRC website.

Five foundations for consensus

Foundations matter. With these five foundations you will be able to build a solid process for consensus based decision-making.

A common goal

People gathered together in groups can have a wide range of aims when they come together. Unless these aims are aligned in some way then building consensus is not possible. It is no accident that the effective examples of consensus based discernment or decision-making are seen in groups that have a shared goal (web link to historic egs post).

Goals need to be aligned at a very high level – the detail is not as important as the highest shared value(s). Examples of high-level goals include making a commercial profit, maintaining peace and stability in a community, seeking to do the will of God, community action groups seeking change in their community. If the focus is too much on lower level objectives then the divergence between participants magnifies.

Identify and agreement about the high level goals.  People will support and strive to achieve these. This is an essential prerequisite foundation for building consensus. These goals or objectives may be served by a wide variety of strategies. The individual ideas about the way to achieve the goal become less important than the end point. As a result people can change from their initial ideas, or can accommodate more than one approach. If people see alternatives as a better way to support the main / common goal then they will accept them.

In The Church Guide For Making Decisions Together  we make the point that it is crucial to ensure that everyone agrees about the purpose of the meeting. For churches the fundamental priority for meetings is to discern the will of Christ for his church in this place and time. With this goal people can exhibit great openness to new insights, people changing positions and a growing consensus be developed. But don’t just assume that everyone is pulling in the same direction!

Commitment to reach consensus

Consensus building is a journey. The end point of that journey is discernment. You can’t abduct people and take them on this trip! People have to take it on voluntarily. This is the second of the foundations – people want to be part of the process.

Everyone must be willing to really try. Participants in the process need:

  • honesty about what it is they want or don’t want
  • genuine listening to what others have to say
  • humility so they can receive the wisdom of others and be prepared to change their position
  • patience – take the time to understand and to explain oneself
  • trust and openness – including that people will not seek to abuse the process

The Setting

How people are arranged in a meeting and how they “gather” are critical foundations for the success of a discernment process. Use a space that is hospitable and welcoming. If possible have refreshments and comfortable chairs. Arrange the room so that people look at each other face to face and not at the back of someone’s head.

Make sure that you spend time gathering and building the community. This can include prayer, a time with Scripture and “reconnecting as a community”. People come with all sorts of things on their mind. So time needs to be spent acknowledging each other, supporting members and reminding ourselves why we are there.

Take time

Don’t rush! If the process of consensus building takes longer than expected it rarely matters. Most business can be deferred if a final position has not been reached. Rushing the introduction of material, the listening to one another and the generation of options, undermines the process of building consensus. Some journeys are quick and others take longer. That’s OK – reaching the destination in good shape is the important thing.

Good facilitation

If your group is inexperienced in consensus building then your leaders may not have knowledge of all the steps in the process. There may be tools that can be used to build consensus that they don’t know. Training is available through resources like this website, trainers  in consensus building, and The Church Guide For Making Decisions Together.

However when your group is particularly large or the issues are quite complex give serious thought to using an external facilitator. Facilitators bring external expertise that support your leaders, make the process go smoothly, produce resources for use in the meeting, and ensure that all the important parts of the process get covered.

All of these conditions can be grown in your group over time. You don’t have to have everything perfect before you start on the consensus building road for decision-making. However like all wise travellers – you will want to know that you have the key requirements for the trip packed with you: a common goal, commitment, the setting and the time needed, and good facilitation. Are there any other “must haves” for this trip to discernment that you can share with us in the comments section?