Tag: meetings

Overcoming our blind spots

overcoming blind spots

Blind spots and me

Blind spots – all of us have differing degrees of ignorance about what is going on inside us. In the previous post, I used the example of white privilege as a case study on blind spots. There I wrote about the reality of them and how they distort our relationships and world view.

It is dangerous for others and harmful to us when we don’t recognize our our blind spots. When we don’t recognize our privilege then we:
    • mess up and don’t make the best response to situations
    • don’t understand the feelings of others
    • fail to provide genuine spaces for all to contribute
    • damage relationships
    • miss out on accessing the best wisdom to address our problems

Blind spots are real and we need to deal with them for the sake of creating healthy communities – Christian and otherwise.

Consensus discernment is hampered by blind spots

Have you ever been in conversation, or perhaps a meeting, where someone is incredibly biased? So often this person doesn’t even realise how their behaviour is excluding or harming others. For them, their attitudes are normal and they assume that everyone else thinks the same. And if they don’t think the same then they certainly should!

I recall working with a church body introducing them to consensus processes. After the presentation, the first three people to speak were all white, male, middle-aged, first world, well-educated clergy. They were all opposed to consensus processes. From their point of view, the parliamentary style of debating was just fine and everyone could do it. It was immediately clear that they just did not recognise the privilege that came from their position as white, male, middle-aged, first world, well-educated clergy! Multiple blind spots prevented them from seeing how other people were disadvantaged by the things that work for them.

Consensus building is seriously disadvantaged when people do not deal with their blind spots. Consensus discernment only works if:

    • all the people in a meeting can contribute
    • the culture and practices make it a safe space to contribute
    • the powerful keep quiet long enough to hear from the weak
    • people are humble enough to be corrected by different perspectives
    • the methods for exploring issues do not privilege certain participants

What can be done?

1. It’s a spiritual problem

The first thing to understand is that these blind spots are a spiritual issue. This is because they prevent us from living as Christ intends. When we live out of our subconscious privilege then we disempower and estrange others which is the antithesis of the reconciliation that God seeks through Christ.

Therefore the first thing that we need to do is to listen carefully to the heart message of the Scripture. In this, we must take on the role of the humble one who expects God to correct us.

Quoting Richard Rohr: “Evil is always incapable of critiquing itself. Evil depends upon disguise and tries to look like virtue. We have to fully cooperate in God’s constant work, spoken so clearly in Mary’s prayer (Luke 1:52) which is always “bringing down the mighty from their thrones and exalting the lowly.” It is the de facto story of history, art, and drama. And we have to get in on the story.”

Groups that seek consensus will create a culture where people can be challenged to see their biases and the weak can find their voice. We have to live the story of “exalting the lowly” and “bringing down the mighty” – even when we are the mighty ones.

2. Spiritual disciplines

If we have a spiritual problem then we need spiritual resources in order to effectively address it. Richard Rohr is a contemplative Franciscan so he offers the experience of his tradition.

“Some form of contemplative practice is the only way (apart from great love and great suffering) to rewire people’s minds and hearts. It is the only form of prayer that dips into the unconscious and changes people at deep levels — where all of the wounds, angers, and recognitions lie hidden. Prayer that is too verbal, too social, too external, too heady never changes people at the level where they really need to change. Only some form of prayer of quiet changes people for good and for others in any long term way.”

The important take away here is that the spirituality of our meetings cannot be some superficial touch of the Bible and a few rushed words of prayer. People in our meetings are full of feelings and in need of correction and healing or both. So we need a spirituality of gathering that makes room for these things to be addressed. These are not things that we put at the start and end like bookends to a collection of stories. They are the story.

3. A deep and genuine desire for equality

Rohr again: “As long as all of us really want to be on top, and would do the same privileged things if we could get there, there will never be an actual love of equality. This challenges all of us to change and not just those folks who temporarily are ‘on the top.'”

This is an attitude of the mind, and orientation of the heart. It requires the saving work of Jesus Christ to have touched our lives and an openness to the Holy Spirit leading us to sanctification.

How sad I find it when I am present at discussions among Christians and arrogance is so obvious. It is as though the experience and the perspectives of others are irrelevant. Yet in the ecclesiology of my church, this is a heresy. The Uniting Church declares that government in the church is a calling from God to women and men who are chosen because God has gifted them for this role. So to deny them processes that help to give them their voice is to insult God. All persons who are present in our decision-making contexts are there because God has gifted them to us. Therefore we do well to create processes that ensure that all can contribute.

4. Live the way of Jesus

“Jesus’ basic social agenda was simple living, humility, and love of neighbour. We all have to live this way ourselves, and from that position, God can do God’s work rather easily.” (Richard Rohr)

Consensus-based processes assume love for neighbour and humility. By building these expectations into the way we discern Christ’s will for his church we are laying down the tracks that will help overcome blind spots. Sometimes we have to learn by doing. Therefore using processes that match what we know is authentic Christian behaviour – even before people are ready to do it – can deliver positive outcomes and change lives. I think it was John Wesley who, when concerned about the poverty of this faith, was told to “preach faith until you have faith”.  So let’s do the things that express and foster faithfulness until they become natural.

Conclusion

It is naive to think that we can avoid subconscious biases influencing our meetings. Therefore the best thing to do is to name the issue right out in front. This will mean that on some occasions we name our privilege and the disadvantage of others so that we can try and work out what to do with it.

It is foolish to think that people will do their own spiritual work before they come to our church meetings. Of course, some will but many will need help. Embed deep spiritual practices into your meeting – especially when biases start to show up and/or things get ugly!!

Create processes that reflect the highest Christian expectations – equality, respect, humility, love, desire for growth and maturity in faith, etc. Lay down the tracks for faithfulness until that behaviour becomes the norm.

10 Rights You Have In A Conflict

Christians can be too “nice” in a conflict

As a rule Christians don’t like to be assertive or to make problems for other people. Somehow Christians have got the message that the proper thing to do is to keep things peaceful.

Keeping the peace is not a Christian virtue. Bad people get away with bad behaviour because not enough people are prepared to resist what they do and say. Therefore, it is important to understand your rights when you are involved in a negative form of conflict. You don’t have to put up with bad behaviour – stand up for yourself!

Your Rights in a Conflict

Here are 10 things that you are entiteld to do or expect if you are in a conflict that has turned unhealthy.

1.  Say “no”

If you are being pushed around or are having demands put on you then refuse to go along with it. So, usually, bullies win because they manage to wear down the resistance of others. Refusing to accept the dictates of an aggressive opposite in an argument is the first right that you have. Saying “no” can put a spike in the wheels of runnaway aggression.

2.  Object to how you are treated

Don’t accept that the other person can control the way that things are going to be done. Be prepared to say that “this is not the way we do things around here.” Remind the person (and others) of the expectations that your community has about how people behave. If your group has a “Behavioural Covenant” or “Code of Conduct” now is the time to refer to it.

3.  Disagree

Be ready and willing to present an alternative case. The combative person is not the only one with good ideas. Trust your experience and wisdom. And be ready to share it with the wider group. Just because someone has a different opinion to you does not mean that you have to be silent.

4.  Speak up for yourself

When people move from a positive and constructive approach to conflict they can get domineering. So if a person is behaving like they are the only ones to listen to then it is time to speak up. Don’t wait for an opponent to ask what you think. They won’t because they don’t care what you think.

It is important to learn to be assertive and to step into the fray. Don’t wait for permission and don’t wait for other people to speak for you. Trust yourself and get into the debate.

5. Express affection

Just because other people want to put down their opponents and turn them into enemies it doesn’t mean that you have to be like that too. Loving one’s enemies is a Christian virtue. So make sure that you never lose sight of the humanity of the other person in the argument. Show them respect, consideration and concern for their needs. Showing affection can be a game changer for the mood of a meeting.

6.  Say “I am angry”

Owning emotions is honest and healthy. If emotions get buried because people do not think they should express anger, or other emotions, then they will pop up somewhere else.

You are allowed to be angry. Anger is a legitimate emotion and when properly expressed can help the person and the process in which they are engaged. Important to note is the value of using “I” statements. Saying “I am angry” is far more helpful than “You make me so angry”.

7.  Say “I am hurt”

At times people don’t realise the harm that their behviour or words are doing to other people. If no one tells them then it is easy for them to keep on doing the same thing.

Your feelings are important and you don’t have to put up with the hurt caused by the behaviour of others. Once again “I” statements are very powerful at these times.

8.  Risk being wrong

When we are in difficult situaitons it is possible that we have misunderstood someone. So at times we need to take the risk and check in with a person about whether we have heard them correctly. In a tense situation don’t get fooled into thinking that you are always in the right. Take the risk of getting good information by asking if you have correctly understood the other person.

9.  To apologize

It’s alright to admit that you have made a mistake and to apologize for it. Many a conflict continues because one or more of the parties lacks humility. You have the right to admit when you have made a mistake and to get things back on an even keel with an apology. You have the right to be hopeful that strained relationships can be repaired through a genuine apology.

10. Others?

What rights would you add to the list? Remember that the rights that you want for yourself are the rights that you also have to give to others.

7 things that help meetings work well

Meetings need more than luck

If you want to get good decisions then you can’t just wing it. Preparation is critical. Planning for a meeting also means getting your mindset right. So think about how to embed high quality values into your meetings. Also think about the behviors that express these high quality values.

In this post you are invited to think about 7 values or commitments that help a meeting to work well. Then put in place practices that support those values.

How to use this worksheet

In the first column is a practice that will help your meetings work better. In the second column is an example, or two, of specific things that you can encourage in your people and meeting practices that bring that value to life.

In the third column you can write “yes” or “no” to indicate if you  encourage or do these things in your meetings. If you answer “no” then in the fourth column make a note of what you can do to support these actions / practices in your meetings.

Mettings Best Practice Worksheet

Best Practice Actions in support Yes/No What to do better
Address issues in a transparent and direct manner

 

 Invite people to talk about feelings and hopes

 

    
Focus on interests not positions  Ask what is really important    
Generate options for mutual gain Work for a win-win approach

Let people talk Think of ideas that benefit both

    
 Assure fair process Make sure everyone knows the rules    
Practice direct communication Talk with others, not about them

Use “I” & not “you” statements

Talk about feelings and what’s important to you

    
 Take a break If you get stuck put the business aside for a while

If emotions rise pause for prayer

    
 Work at relationships Apologize

Forgive

Try hard to understand the other’s point of view

    

Conclusion

Your attitude as a leader or group member is  essential for the success of your meetings. I encourage you to grow in your sensitivity to what makes for healthy meetings. This checklist (and I’m sure you can add more values) is one way to do this. When you have done the worksheet include it as part of your Council or Committee’s anual assessment of its performance as a decision-making group.

 

9 reasons you may struggle to bring change – and what to do about it (Pt 2)

Bringing about change needs energy! In electricity, resistance is a measurement of the difficulty encountered by a power source in forcing electric current through a circuit. So it also indicates the amount of power used up in the circuit.

Measuring resistance let’s you know how much energy it will take to get a result. The same applies when bringing change to an organisation. If you use too little energy then the resistance will prevent the power moving through the system. If you have too much energy coming to low resistance then you’ll blow up the circuit!

So it is worthwhile to examine your group for resistance (and other challenges) as you decide the best way to bring about change!

‪1. It just doesn’t fit the official picture.

Churches develop a culture just like any other group. Part of the culture of a group is the way that decisions get made. What this means is that sometimes change doesn’t happen because it just doesn’t fit the “official” culture.

A consensus approach may even be seen to be working in other situations but “that is them” and “this is us”. When something doesn’t feel like a natural fit, or like a clash of cultures, then people resist considering it. Change to something different needs to feel like a “fit” for a group.

Strategies to change culture in a group

The first thing to note is that cultures in groups are complicated. There is not just one culture or value. There are many values in a group. It is just that some get more prominence than others.

So, when thinking about the different cultures of a consensus discernment approach and a parliamentary style, ask where the common ground might be.  By identifying the common values you can then offer consensus building approaches as the way to support the traditional values. For example parliamentary ways of making decisions value the right of anyone to participate in the debate; resist capricious actions by the Chair in favor of democracy; value clear reasons and principled decision-making; and want people to accept the final decision; among others. These are all held in common with consensus building approaches to decision-making!

Talk about the common values. Give prominence to the once that align with consensus based approaches. Then recommend consensus strategies that affirm and support the group’s cultural values. This is not so much about changing a culture as realigning its priorities so that it is more true to what it says. Now that could change how things look and feel!

Change of culture often requires that the dominant culture is challenged. One great way to do this in the context of church meetings is to remind people of the broader culture of the Christian faith. Many times people behave in meetings in ways that just don’t look like mature Christian behavior. So point out the culture of the group and what we understand to be the proper culture of the church.  A Bible study on the character of Christian community is a great tool to help people reflect on their practice. Or develop a worksheet that lists the practices of the group in one column and Christian virtues in another. Get people to draw links between them and see how many are not aligned with Christian virtues – or could be changed to better reflect / support Christian practices.

2. A lack of people who understand how the process works.

Absolutely an issue!! When people have a bad experience of a consensus building process it can put them off it for a very long time. It’s a pity the same doesn’t seem to happen when Roberts Rules of Order give people a bad experience!

Induct, train and coach

It is not fair or smart to expect people to change to a process that they do not understand. Therefore before bringing in any change you have to train people in the process. In the context of a meeting you need to induct them by walking through the key points. This is not just the flow of the meeting and the techniques. It is also very important to speak about the values that lie behind the process – the “why” and not just the “how”.

The times I’ve been involved in ‘unsuccessful’ consensus decision making the main problem has been that the meeting chairperson doesn’t understand, or sufficiently understand, the process. Therefore this key leader cannot help people to use it well. It is impossible to overstate the importance of thorough training for Chairpersons and others who will lead the process. Key leaders also include the meeting secretary, people presenting proposals, small group leaders and the Facilitation Group (if using them).

Even the number one ranked tennis players in the world have a coach. So it makes sense that when you are using a new process you should have a coach. Don’t underestimate the value of having someone alongside you as you learn to implement the consensus approach to discernment. The coaching can include helping you to prepare, comprehensively, for the meeting; responding to questions and scenarios that you expect to face or have met in a meeting; even being present at a meeting to assist you on site. I encourage you to think about what kind of coaching option is best for you.

3. Things get really confusing and the discussion rambles on

A very common complaint is that because consensus often seems to be asking people why they can’t agree to what has just been said, the talk just goes on and on. “We never seem to get anywhere” is a complaint that I have heard a bit.

Related to this concern is that many people don’t know what they are making a decision on. The ramble leads to confusion about what is being discussed and therefore what has been decided. Clearly, a consensus approach isn’t helpful when it ends in an untested ramble and no one knows what was decided. Deliberation has to end in a decision or no discernment has happened.

When the decision taken is not clear to people then you often have people saying later that “I didn’t agree to that”. Or, for other reasons, there is less support for a decision than there should be.

How to cut through the ramble and confusion

The first thing to do is to have a Chairperson who understands the process! When asking for input from people who are showing a blue card there are more options than asking “Why don’t you agree?” That can be a useful question but it often leads to the dead ends that were discussed above.

There isn’t space here to go into all the training but Chairpersons and other leaders need to hold a key goal in mind as they think about how to move the discussion forward. The goal of the process is to build consensus.

If we are going to achieve that goal we need to be exploring what will overcome the reasons that a person is showing a blue card. So a follow up question might be “What could be done to help address your concern?” Or if it has come up a few times ask “Does anyone have any ideas about how we can meet these needs?” A Chairperson or secretary could summarise and / or reframe the issues that are being raised (by one or more people) and offer a way forward. There is an end point to the process! Keep working to overcome the reasons that people cannot support the option that is before the meeting.

Confusion at the point of making a decision is best avoided by being clear at each point on the wording as it is developed. In larger meetings it is a good idea to have the words of the proposal on a screen and make changes as the discussion progresses. The changes can be agreed to as the discussion proceeds. So that by the time the group is ready to conclude the discussion there will be little left to adjust.

At the point of determination always read out the words that will be recorded as the decision of the meeting. Just because the process is incredibly fluid doesn’t mean that it has to be sloppy at the end!

4. We don’t need training in how to be Christian!

I have certainly met people who think that it is very judgemental and unfair to suggest that they don’t know how to behave in a Christian way. As a result, they resist any reflection on their meeting practice and training in how to do things better.

Let’s do some theology

I agree that love is natural (for a person born of water and of the Spirit). That’s a theological affirmation. Does that mean that we then know how to live the Christian life – in every part of our life? I’m sure we don’t have time for a treatise on justification and sanctification / conversion and holiness – but surely that is relevant. Being Christian doesn’t prove that we know how to get it right all the time. So the faithful Christian posture is always humility and openness to correction.

In the context of meeting processes we can easily think about the relevance of a conversation on what love would look like in a Christian meeting. A Bible study on 1 Corinthians 13: 4ff might be a good place to start.

The other tac to take is that we are not just talking about values and character training. We are talking about skills training. Being a Christian doesn’t mean that people have no need to learn how to listen well; to find words that invite participation and show respect; to be humble, vulnerable and excited by the potential that different perspectives bring; etc. Heaven knows that I’ve needed to learn how to do these things!

5. Rushing to an agreement because it seems bad to question a proposal

There was a fascinating example of the consensus process at work in a recent meeting of a Uniting Church in Australia (UCA) Synod. A major proposal for change and refocus for  youth ministry in the Synod was put forward. When it was presented people were asked their first impressions. It was strongly supported and the Chairperson quickly moved to have the Synod determine the proposal. All orange cards – except one. To everyone’s astonishment, it was the proposer who held up a blue card.

He said that he felt the project was too important to be so easily agreed to. It  actually warranted more discussion so that the Synod was sure that it had fully understood what it was committing to. So there was more discussion, with people engaged with the complexities and challenges in a deeper way.

‪When a little while later it came again for determination the proposal was unanimously approved.

‪The point of this is that the idea of ‘consensus decision-making working’ should not be taken merely as ‘getting all orange cards held up’. As the proposer of the Synod proposal pointed, out rushing to a consensus can sometimes be a bad decision. The process is intended to facilitate discernment and some issues do require more work than others.

Slowing things down

One of the most important outcomes of consensus processes is that they build the strength of support for a decision. That decision may be either for support or putting an idea aside. When we rush to a decision without deliberation then this important building of confidence that “this is the way to go” is forfeited. So slow things down. Make it clear that there is no such thing as a foolish question. If something looks like a ‘motherhood motion” then get people talking in table groups around some well constructed discussion questions. For example: “What questions come to your mind as you hear this proposal?” “What might people who have not heard this presentation have to say about the proposal?” “Does the proposal address all the possible considerations?” The particular questions (usually only one or two used each time) will be shaped by the proposal and the context.

Another way to slow down the rush to a decision is to remember that in consensus decision-making there isn’t a vote. It is a determination. Holding this distinction before us helps to reduce the risk of using the cards as simple voting cards and so undermining the process by drawing people into thinking “yes” or “no”. Orange doesn’t mean “yes” and “blue” doesn’t mean “no”. Blue cards mean (among other things) “I am not ready yet.” Asking if people are ready to make a decision may lead to a different response than asking are they ready to agree to the proposal.

Conclusion

There are always things that will help and hinder the implementation of consensus based discernment. I hope that these couple of posts have given you encouragement that there is always a way to bring about change.

Frankly, the best way to get through these problems is to just have a go at it. learn by doing and grow your capacity through experience, study and reflection on your practice. If you have any comments or questions then drop us a note here, on our Facebook page @makingchurchdecisions or drop me a line at terence@makingchurchdecisions.com

11 tips to make church meetings work well

Church Meetings. Most people dread going to them. They tend to run long, easily get off course or do not accomplish goals. Time is precious and people’s patience is running low. Yet meetings matter – they are an essential tool in how the world works. It has been estimated that there are 25 million meetings a day in the USA, and 85 million world wide!

A better way for church meetings

Sometimes doing the simple things well can make a huge difference to the value of your meetings. Getting the basics right makes your meetings effective and your participants satisfied. Try these simple steps to make your next meeting productive and worthwhile for all involved.

Prepare for your meetings!

Let people know in advance when the meeting will take place and what the agenda will be. Always distribute the agenda in advance! Yes and send out written reports with any recommendations / proposals that will be put to the meeting. The more information you can share in advance the better.

Select a comfortable location – definitely not church pews! Can people see the faces of all who are present – not just the back of their head? Does the Chair of the meeting have a good line of sight to everyone in the room? A Chairperson needs to be able to pick up the non verbal cues as well as look at people when they speak. Are people going to end the meeting with a bad back because the seats are only good to sit on for 30 minutes?  Attention to the way a meeting space is set up facilitates good communication and attention.

If you are the Chair of the meeting be prepared and ready. We all understand that the Chair needs to be across the agenda. But s/he also needs to have given a lot of thought to the processes that will be used for each item of business. Use different methods for discussion based on the sensitivity, complexity, newness of the business. Not all business is created equal!

Some meeting do’s and don’ts

Here are some things to consider so that the flow of your meeting is productive:

Do’s

  • As leaders gather, have a short time of fellowship. Offering tea or coffee helps set a relaxed tone and gives people the opportunity to catch-up with one another.
  • Begin with prayer and a time of centring. This practice serves to give participants a sense of the holy in the midst of their work.
  • Foster active participation. Allowing people a chance to form pairs to discuss a matter before having floor discussion helps introverts contribute and feel valued.
  • Consider another way of making decisions rather than always using Robert’s Rules of Order.  These 1863 meeting procedures were designed as rules of engagement in arbitration. Yikes! I recommend that you read our book The Church Guide for Making Decisions Together to learn other ways of reaching decisions.
  • Seek common ground to make decisions.  Be sure that your leaders consider their values as they explore and reach a final position on an issue.
  • Do the administrative tasks at the end of the meeting.  The Treasurer’s Finacial Report, Staff Reports can all be done before adjournment.
  • End on time – this is crucial.

Don’ts:

  • Skip reading the minutes of the last meeting. They should have been reviewed in advance by leaders and can be simply approved if there are no revisions.
  • Go over and over the same material. When people get bogged down on the specifics tensions rise. Consider a short break or change of approach.
  • There are people in every group who like to speak, and they do – often. Prevent people from dominating or manipulating the conversation. To break this cycle, thank them for their comment and say: “Is there anyone else who would like to contribute to this discussion?” Break eye contact with the person who is speaking too often. If the problem persists, speak to them in private after the meeting.
  • Don’t try to do it all yourself! A good leader will invite a person skilled in facilitation to guide a part of the meeting when it is complex, there is potential for a perception of bias or conflict of interest, or it is emotionally demanding. They know various approaches that foster good process and decisions.

Focus!

I know these suggestions seem basic, but they are often overlooked when a group comes together to make decisions. It is my hope that your next meeting will be engaging and productive. With a little bit of effort, it can be!